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September 16, 2012

Sept16         humans are suffering

1134 i’ve heard if you walk  with a Pleasure, it talks, but you don’t learn anything. if you walk with Suffer, you walk in silence, but you learn much.
i couldn’t speak when suffered, i couln’t say a word… but i have to…somehow, now, couse i remember.
i tried describe the heart of soul, of a person, it was last year, and when i came to the describe of pain, i stopped. only said  that pain is a very good way to  discover deepness in your  soul.  psycho or mental pain is suffer wich gives enough time to do, to do thinking, but it is without order, so, you are doing without thinking what you mean is the best to run out of suffer. only i know, the point is that you give pain to Dear Lord and He gives you patient and much more.

that cold i had past when i told Him to take my cold like a  gift without mistake. it worked,  we understood each other. suffer is always a pure gift, a gift without mistake.

i prayed for us when i took the Body of Christ, first in singular, then in plural, because you are  in me: in the common pray you entered in my prays and stayed there a few minutes, but i found you again later. the Blood of Christ, fresh us, Water from the chests, wash us…so, we won’t make a death sinn.
1200 croatian electricity asks higher prices for warming, “kick on the cytizents”, frazes, only frazes. im no cityzent and it won’t be a kick.
petrinja remembers 17 soldiers
who was masakred and shooted
libanon: Benedict the 16th said christians and muslims
izrael rosh hashanna, new year
afganistan hates amerika
paris arested muslims-where that american everlasting war leads?
that were news arround me – on the tv, but what is realy in izrael or in paris, i didn’t found out.
i am still your son, you know, in my son-unic way i am the only one. it doesn’t mean that im not a lamb any more, or a mother who is mafia, ustaša and a bag on the childrens’ shoulders and they even can call me a religious fanatic and so on. that you have to know, somebody told me 26 years ago that im simply  non-mother. and what is today? there are no incomes ,  not enough, but im not the point of any kind of stability to my children, economic or emotional, that’s what i mean is to be a mother. it is not romantic picture, you are not as bad to me as i am to my kids. i thank you very much, im much obliged.  so, my kids are united against common enemy, get the point?   they  are not united with me, but   against me. that’s what’s  important couse they’re no kids, they are old like metuzalems. im a spirit among, pardon, near them who blows  in the corner with cables between the wall and the   little  wardrobe,  im  a 155 centimeters,  55 kiloponds and 100 percent happy.  they didn’t left me to go onto the attic where is a very good place for make a tent and sleeping bag, where the chimneys are so romantic and big  wooden roof, im sorry for that. they have me here on the eye and im quiet and peacefull on the wooden floor and even have a big warm carpet, many pillows, two chairs for tvs and a comp and i got a big original siutcase which is about sixty years old , i have some book inthere and ten books of poems of mine and essays. enough about me, let’s talk about my car.

my dearest car was honda civik for a long time. today i like minimoriss, it’s about two hundred heavy, but im laisy to go in the bank and try to do administration  about buying. so, im on foot, 36 and a half tall number.
i turned VH1, it is ” pop and R+B Classic’s Weekend”, you bet im well and i sang “like Mary” today in the temple with so many children, wow, the beginning of the  school year.

what i get in the pain was the spirit above the brain’s jokes, my brain repeted jokes and that hurted a lot, but was curious if there is my habitus or Holly Spirit. you can’t say it is paranoia couse it is not like paranoia is described in many places i’ve looked. that sarcazam went over all borders. pain and joke about, how that can be together ( they are singing “quit playing games with my heart” on tv )?  why i say that it is Holly Spirit? becouse the jokes  were very  funny and popular in our nation and others and somehow jokes are the history of   croatian spirit, they are something very nice and worth remembering  like today are streeps over here.
i know that was also my spirit in sinns and i suffered couse devil suffered in me. that’s what i know for sure.
but , HOW CAN I REMEMBER ALL, SO MANY QUICK JOKES WHEN I DIDN0T REMEMBER  VERY EASY THINGS LIKE PASSWORD OR PIN, OR WHICH BIRTDAY OR DAY  IS COMMEING ?!!!  it was not me, surely it was not me. and you cant say: we don’t know, that is illness.

and after that i change the face (St. Paul ),  i  was different, i was different person, i was somebody other but had a habitus of mine. the worst thing is that i loosed concentration and that is  what doctors of medicine and other sciences are examing very hard now.  i lost than my basic memory, but the jokes and pain were  there. in brain, in memory or i would say in spirit they were couse the brain is empty in the moments like that was.

so, i have one conclusion: devil is suffering, not human.
i do not know what is happening after couse im under medicals for a long time and musn’t stop takeing them.
of course , devil comes into human’s  spirit and human feel pain. couse the devil is  a black angel,  he has all what humans have or  are. except Holly Spirit. and i had the Holly Spirit, i had his seven gifts, seven knifes against that jokes, my spirit was consious that  something ill  and wird is happening and that all people in the world are in spirit connection and to me is not strange to  make a conversation with you couse, like i mentioned  the other day, there is no time, there is no thinking and feeling, there is a Life, eternal life. and i know and i tested many times  ( often it wasn’t my will ) :
we have that life.

we have that life couse we couldn’t know what is our will.
feelings and thinking is a tool of spirit like hands are tool of brain.  the person is relation with many dimensions, you cant count them, the relation has its deepness or not-deepness, but however, there is  Holly Spirit on the bottom.

many pople says that they have found the God in themselves, but i do not feel and think very much like that. it is true, but i always feel Lord arround me, He comes toward me and often my spirit answer with help of Holly Spirit, but i  am a human still who  talk with Lord.  and if Lord is so much in me, i cant see clearly Him in me, but maybe others do – it will be  what He wants.1350


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