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The Untouchables

October 19, 2012

                    The Untouchables

 

 

A young fat man came close to me and told me with a thin voice. „ Mama, when do you take me home?“ ;

           „They are beating  over there, it is better to be here“, I answered fast and maybe professionally.

The attending physician took him toward his bedroom. It was resting time, nobody was allowed to  go out from the rooms, only in case they need a toilet or something important.  We were in the indoor ward for prolonged treatment.

„How lucky I am, thanks God“, I thought for the  thousandth time, I came only for the exam, usually I was out the whole month and the next month and the next… never minding  the  little problems, I was well, I felt good and happy; that happiness was becoming the euphoric in the beginning, when  I’ve  tried a new medicine. The pain stopped and emotions were nicer and brighter than ever in my life.

 

But it wasn’t always as well. I put the emotions in a box inside me for years, I’ve hide them, nobody guessed what I  feel. Only I knew, but it became painful. It is for real how I had that look of peace, ignorance and  feelingless on my face.

Many of males are rather alcoholics than patients, there are many of us,  psychos.  You can’t describe it, it is not just a disorder. Even the madness don’t sound that serious. The closest word to compare is deep depression , people  could understand it a little bit better.

 

In such case your conversations, in the building of the untouchable empire, with others are better than talking with yourself. Talking with others interferes your thoughts which are going around and around in the circle  and you repeat yourself and that you can stop only with conversation, whatever it is.

I was „good small one“  for others, but it took me efforts.

When you look from the outside, it is craisyness, but you don’t know that patients do not know what are they talking about among themselves,  they do not know the language of degrees of emotions which are going from five till minus ten, twenty or „I don’t know“ grade.

I wanted to make a story of this like I did last year, but it is not funny to me any more. Only I would like to say that such a group of patients, like everywhere else,  has an understanding  though. With some part of mind, they are able to imitate a normal life. There is nothing else to do.  But they  can’t make a dialogue with healthy. We all know how the alcoholic can terrorize the surroundings. A few years ago I saw the stats that there are eighty percent  of psychos who are alcoholics. 1910  1751

P.s. note my English, it’s getting better

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From → letters

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