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Essay, Lived Touches

March 9, 2013

When they take you to the blind ends of fruiting green, fragrant meadows and blue transparent layer through which the ruddy rays pour salt droplets on silver horns with gold collars and when Angels are whispering softly, then louder, singing forest fairy: take off the blindfold, pull off it , and when you feel that no soil or water underfoot can not injure feet stronger, you will take off into the darkness and the cold hard stone walls, torn, bloodstained from the hollows and sound like old lamentations and cries of children’s voices, you’ll realize that you’re no longer blind and hanging upside down.

Good as it gets: no more covers, you saw through, remember and have excellent hearing.

 

 

 

 

“LIVED TOUCHES”

 

 

 MARCH, THE NINETH, 2013-03-09

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                               gTomlj.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was awful, her paranoia was threatening to explode, she knew that she has to control her mind and to listen the preaching like it doesn’t concern her. But, it was so exact like that young little priest is playing, in some serious way, with her and her only. And he looked  from time to time at her and his eyes were serious, she concluded with all her cleverness she could that he is very concentrate on her and expecting her reactions.

She needed a bright mind and a courage and she was in the Temple and she was very faithfull to the Christ, the Lord and decided to open herself because if the Lord that is not then she is ready to die, to die from the shame and fear.

It wasn’t important, she had to be honest in her faith and start to answering with mimics and showing her feelings, that were really her deepest and honest feelings without scare or worry of mind which was telling that for the first time in her life she is like naked in front of the people.

Because she posted on her blog the story about her childhood and illness, she had to look every possible reader in the eyes and say: „Yes, that is all true, I really mean it, every word I’ve wrote“.  And the priests are possible readers. It was not about her paranoia but about real possibility. And she decided.

When that fellow said that parents are to be respected a hundred percent, she shaked her head with panic, trembling like a little child in danger. He saw it.  She was cleaning her nose over and over with a paper handkerchief. Then he said that the respect has to grow to be respect for God and she said „yes“ with her head and eyes which were telling that that is absolutely right. Then he said that God is suppose to be obayed totally, that believer has to obay every word of Lord. She understood that she has to obay every word of every prech of that and only that young priest, like he was asking of her to listen him carefully. She wandered if she want to do that, for a moment, and answered with „Yes“.

 

 

One year after she was remembering that and thought that „the faith is what saved her“ than, and after all what was happening with that priest and in her mind; she was on medications, but she would never open herself if there was not that man whom she called a young fellow. He wasn’t as young, he was the unic therapist for her before God and people.

She knew him and was thinking that he had remember her from the past because he was witnessing the years when she was baptized as adult convert and when she was so ill that couldn’t came, only for confession.

 

Those were the days of her converting from believeing only in the truth. She was a kind of communist before, but very curious: she learned from books, from everything what came into her hands. It was a very long time when she was pretty well, not ill so much yet, but she was traying to find – the thruth. That was beacause of some questions which were never answered in her whole life.

 

When she finally find Teacher who has learned her very important small facts, she came to him to be baptized. After that she was more curious than ever and she studied about sacraments and start to go in the Temple and was praying Mary a lot. And what happened? Someone said that her illnes is the converting and nothing else, nothing wiser.

 

In the meantime, the war begun. She borned the third child and was left alone with him. The illnes was in the start and that was like launching a rocket into the space. She gave the baby to his welthy father on the other side of war. The first two children were little older. After she did all that, baptized, borned and gave a baby, studied and worked, she decided to go to the psychiatrist because in the Urgent she didn’t have time to stay, or in the hospital.

But she went to the hospital soon again. And again for five times. The years was passing by, she was thinking about children in case she had to die. After the healing was started, she was very dedicated to work and that make her ill worse.

 

In that moment she was going to the confession several times. Witness stood there, in the Temple, and he was a pupil of the same Teacher of hers, among others. But she looked terrible, she didn’t have power to wash herself or change the clothes, only once or twice a weak. She was neglected, her hair was long and grey, nails were black, her face looked very old and serious, sholders were down, walking was heavy.

 

One day she broked and couldn’t work. She went to the hospital after long time. And she get that new medicine for shizophrenia, depression and bipolar disorder. Yes, that was converting of body and soul, a big one.

 

But she always took her faith. And in the very first moment she tried a medication, she exploded like a bottle of champaign before she swalowed the pils.

What happened after that was funny history. She became crazy, crazy of happines, without fear and mental pain which was horrible. In a year, she discovered some other emotions except fear and worry, like sorrow or joy, that is the proof that love is not only a feeling but spirit which mind cannot reach: she has always loved somebody. She was euphoric that year and start to learn how to get the balance of herself and in her doings. But she couldn’t work any more and had some incomes. The child was back from the father, he was about seventeen.

 

She was crazy, she discovered social networks and started to resocializing on the net because she was weak and she is weak all the time, she cannot go outside for the long time and she has to sleep often. So, Showgirl started to dance, to sing, to jump, to listen to the every kind of music and the year passed in a moment. Than she was ready to go back in the Temple.

 

 

 

 

 

He looked just a little confused about what to do with her. It was because of her sudden reactions. After the prayer, she took Christ, not only calmed but interested in what now he has to answer to her. She was ready to start a closer connection with that witness of her most important moments of life, but she was not able to prove that there is so in that time. It took brand new six months,  a hundred and eighty days after which he had gone, knowing that she is very well ,  but not knowing that it was a very big job he has done with her; they together did a great job.

 

Yes, he was confused only for a small moment, but than his eyes answered: „Ok, if you want to get closer, I’m here. I’m always here.“ That was understanding between them although it was obvious that they maybe are seeing each other for the last time. It was timeless appointment, understanding for eternity.

 

 

 

 

 

From that day, which Showgirl will remember because Witness was that person who celebrated it and taught her what was the date, her spirit led her to the healing of the scars which was left after she started with new medication for her mentaly damage. She wanted to take a chance and Witness was there who started first, he was that person, the only one in her whole life, which provoked deep opening of her soul. They were together in the faith in front of Almighty, in case some do not understand and there are people who think that here is all about madness, paranoia and medications; some even think that it was a relationship like a poore love afair, but their relation asked too much engagement of everything what man can do and what he is: the spirit , the body and soul, the time which was spent in reading and writting when it was enough minutes which wasn’t bussy; engagement of all forces just for one and only job and that was believing, surrendering, devoting each other in Lord with unspoken hope for health and common sense. The medication was helpfull, but decisions were theirs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was writing a poetry. Nine poems almost daily. They had rime. The first poem was written after the cleaning the holy floor of the Temple. She was very happy to come back after the hospital. She remembered her priest who baptized her in her middle old ages, it was more of fifteen years before that „Day of vows“ between these two very young spirit lovers, they were acting and smiling like children. She renewed memories and they were such alive that she couldn’t understand what is happening, with medicaton and before Lord. Does she has to die? In the same moment she new that on the other side of river there are living holy people, she saw them in spirit how they are watching and praying; once she saw her teacher, it was a warning. But now, there is that new one, Witnes, and there was no chance to meet another person who could do the new converting of her because she didn’t in the mood for anyone new, she was happy at last because somebody finally showed alive like she is alive, that was enough for nine lifes, not only for her and she wasn’t young any more. In case she had to die, she had a last wish: to die with a priest near by. So, the poem is going something like this:

 

Because I’ve touched the holy floor,

I’m very happy and get the wings,

the wings for flying

through the restless new door.

Even late, now I’m trembling

Like a swan which is dying.

 

Oh, mercy, my Lord, mercy again,

To my hystorical moment

And give to my beauty of life

One more bad vow, not in vain:

The mosaic tile that You’ve sent,

Let it be me in the arms of knight,

 

let me be that holy tile

which will be the last in the mosaic,

marry me, Lord.

In the meanwhile,

that will be the third blessy light

in my life before the Mord. („The last tile in the mosaic“)

It is a little better in originaly version.

 

The surprise was when she heard Witness speaking about the poems she didn’t posted in public. And that was happening all the time, she has her own little signs and signals, she often hear or smell something in spirit and every time she get the sign that Witness is hearing his writings, she celebrated the Lord and speak to the God in heavens because He sent her a message from the Witness. He still is having his word or two and, the most important, she know the difference between God, Witnes and her mind. They are three different persons, these are three different wills.

 

He was apearing sometimes in the Temple out of order, that was something very important for her and when she started cheking the dates, she discovered that he is notified the day of vows. After that, they were meeting every month, in the spirit or in the body, on that day.

 

When was the spirit renewal, she happened to stuck her conffesion of life before him. It was about past before baptizing. Witness was delightfully happy and told Showgirl to celebrate the Holy Spirit,

„Emanuel is among us“, he said. And Showgirl was celebrating, she was always willing to celebrate, specially the Lord Jesus. „Eternal is His love“, she answered.

 

 

 

Once God prepared a celebration for them, it was reading a Gospel in the late evening hours. The lights were dark and the gregorian coral was heard from somewhere. Showgirl was listen to the Word and was singing about Mercy of Lord, quietly for herself, but Witness stood up at the end, she didn’t see because she had eyes closed, and suddenly he start to preach a little. There came the time for going  home, one woman said to Witness:“ But You didn’t gave us even the blessings.“ Witness was happy, they had sing about Mary’s love for Jesus and were looking each other in the eyes; Showgirl start to worry for him, for her innocent Witnes who was really inloved. How could be such an expert for souls as innocent, she asked herself. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, she was to easy for crying. A few people was in the Temple that night and Witness came near Showgirl, looking if the door are open; she turned the head not to meet his eyes, not to show a scare that she will see  somebody who was bigger than God for her, so much she was close to Witness. They passed each other, but that evening, when he for the first time saw her on her knees at the exit of the Temple and when she looked at the old columns of stone, just not to look at him, that evening God prepared them a wedding.

After a day, the Temple was all in the white satin and gladioles. The Eastern was on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fear existed,  a fear that Showgirl will gone from the Temple after the converting and that she will start to be crazy again. That was what she couldn’t explain and prove that day when she decided to promise fidelity to Witness and every his word. She didn’t after that day of her vow never thought something like stop loving and running away, that never was really her style, because of her capability to pretend and to hide feelings people didn’t really know her nature, she looked, at least, unserious and unresponsible.

Witness also was in doubt. When she saw that he felt a big relief when he saw her again and again in the Temple, she didn’t understand it at once. After many days and today she know what was it.

Showgirl even was the happiest thing in the world, she wrote love poems, she was more and more thurst for the living water of Christ which she has drunk in community with Witness and it was obvious for her in her passionate poems.

She asked him for more, she didn’t know how to use the time, and time was fully used, she knew that he will disapear in every moment and she was remembering everything she could and was writing down whatever she had learned  and whatever she ever knew, only about him, about him and the mistery of Christ. She wrote him in the poem exactly that she want more of him, that she desire him more and more, there is one verse which goes like this: „Is this a sign of spiritnessy…or my daily brad? Go, go ahead, touch me, Innocency…“.

And he answered, he was talking about her and about people which do not recognize her. He said that Jesus was unrecognized in Galilea, that He was one of the boys from the neighbourhood with whom the children were picking the colourfull wild flowers and that Jesus is that very same boy who has drunk the water from the source and has not wet lips in the strong sun…

She thought how Witness noticed that her lips are never wet and how he must had read when she wrote that some has to tell her something about her what nobody knows, something completely new to get her to be his girl. That was that, she thought, Witnes get her with that sentences very much, that were her associations; and he really described the picture of an innocence, it was very well told story.

Every time she put that song, and that is rare, he knows and he is answering like a fidelitlly husband. With innocence, of course.

It is very difficult to speak in foreing language such a nice things, but much more difficult is to repeat a preach, look on the face and in the eyes, talk about in which voice somebody has spoken.

 

 

Witness was talking about his lived touches. He was talking about Jesus who were one of the children and kids were playing on the ground with Him and didn’t believe that He is the Son of God. They prayed like those who knew Inbodyness of Jesus. Specially her Witnes was praying for psychos. Showgirl was revolutionlly answering on the blog with sharp verses. But today she know that she is at least a little ubnormal or very different in the way she thinks and has associations, and she never was really imaginative, and that people look at her like in something strange. Suppose that some criple come to you to say that he want from you to love him like a real lover, like he is the most beautifull creature,  could you answer his wish? No, you will never can really love him. Like a husband or wife, not only like a mother. Could you be a lover of his? No, you would swallow a stone, but you couldn’t be that.

Witness was a fantastic spirit husband and lover to Showgirl who never had such love in her life. She was loved, but it wasn’t because of her mistakes, but because of form mostly. People always give her bad words or speak about sex in front of her. It was like that since she was very, very young.

Witness loved Showgirl so good that she always had a feeling that she is Jesus  and was afraid for a while that she will forget about God and that she will hurt the Lord with her devotion for Witness.

Than he said with his eyes, words and movings that he has to be her Father and Son. Because she wrote about how she has needings to be equal with Church and priests and how she want to concelebrate. He told once with special tone in his voice, stearing at her in the eyes, slowly, carefully pronouncing every word: „We are alowed to call Him our Father…“, and she obayed.

 

 

 

 

 

She found the song. It was one of March, about 2012.03.21. Following the Second Sunday of Lent, approximately where the seriously admitted that indeed started, but did not know where until one else mentioned how her bones broke. In this first song was very serious, common sense is written, any inspiration, she admitted to herself that conjecture is not appointed, but that feeling was strong, real, sure, it was a spiritual experience without any theory other than that of conversion, but the conversion was regular, and so in that song did not mean something new, but obviously in a lot of verses trying to nominate this conjecture, even said that she had lost herself, already then. It was an interesting look at one place he wrote that the love between them was neither prepared nor sudden, at first glance. The moment when she passed her first word in the spirit of the covenant may not coincide neither with anything about him, except with the ordinary, the most sacred communion that is between them calmed always present, together with the saints in God and the world, in sin. This event has been described, it was an agreement, the first agreement that did not have to be in no way safe or promising, but it was in his and her spirit is eternal word. It has already been in some way shaped the fellowship, she’d even called one vast common inkling of which man trembles as bars on the rapids. Holy were cooperating, but this was something they had with themselves. It was not the beginning, but it was the first articulation and dedicated, faithful articulation of rights, it was her communion and his lecture, therefore, is only to be forgiven, after several months, and could not say what wrote: she was his spiritual son, and that by virtue of her adoption, she knows that part of him. Hence, in her adoption, in her spirit is he, continuous and present, and she can not possibly lose him, or the Body of Christ because she is precisely in the Body of Christ and became his spiritual son. It was the best she used to say, in their love in this way, with his will, his intentions in a short time, for they are always together. But that “together” is a very broad term that narrows when the hunch appears. Narrowing fellowship on this relationship in which they themselves are in God, even though they are holy present. Thus it can be concluded that it is always in the eternal life: every relationship may or may not become more or less solitary or shared. This is the dynamic of eternal life. These movements are a child of God to each other in God the Holy Spirit, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. From the Creator and Savior and Redeemer who comes out and honor them with the Spirit of Life Movement, Giver of life for man. Rubbish to say that the Holy Spirit is an asset, because He lives, but He may be the Creator in their relationship. This is not a desire or attempt to contemplate. She wanted only the Spirit of the Living to know more, , here it is discerned in communion with the saints. But to her it was only Life creator their particular relationship, and it was hot, very hot, Lives burned, burned, flickering, creating a fever without sweat in it. He was the Creator and Redeemer the ordering because of the beloved man came and comes through Him. And that was, she was convinced, either because of her adoption and her love. From his standpoint, he might as well forget it, but he was present because she herself could not have her thinking or unthinking cause all these phenomena, events, and what it was the most painful, most tangible – foreboding. Forebodings were neither hope nor desire any. Forebodings were the least sign of something if not anything more. A sign outside, a sign that something happens suddenly for her, and has a normal course of reasoning, it is logical. Are not these forebodings were meaningless and incoherent but very specific words, his willingness, hostility or, here, one is crying and could hardly, with difficulty, managed to let a few tears, so foreboding stirred her soul, and after two days and learned which was, as it was thought. First she heard that he speak something comforting when she was tense because of a single event in the world. He seemed to say that everything will be OK with the event, how it ended. That night she was crying like a child because she is such emotions overflowed. Suppose she was sad because of the subconscious for nothing was not and never cry, be sad or not, that is, when he was gentle at God, melts at which the narrowed. This cry was literally throwing something soft behind. And the reason for that she couldn’t find, it was her intimate thing. So with no apparent motive and soften it over the computer, and leave the people and the television and the computer, lean on the wall, sitting on the floor, leaving barely a tear for tear, throw a heavy weight of the soul with the most serious intent that she did not know the names or the name means something to respond to. But that’s about an hour passed, and two days after that she heard him and his happiness. And this event was past normally, finished well. But only when it is heard, after two days, she remembered that the conjecture but it worked.
Now it has been able to conclude that she had heard, she dreamed many beautiful dreams, she sensed, she will, she recognized the mood, and all of that was not before it, and everything else was as before. How not to connect and your events with him? The more he loved her and she him, and that in God because and because of which they are in love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was the start of her introspection which she had begin to make a better introducing in new conversion and to make a real renew of her vow.

 

She was remembering and analyzing once again everything what she was going through and what Witness was going through because she wore him in herself. She was cleverer for the past year, she knew better and that exactly was what did she want and always ask from the Father.

 

 

 

Testament, forty first part, Epilogue I
01.30.2013. Wednesday morning, 7:36 am

As the scales fall from my eyes that seemed to enter your in my life, I saw that you are the one who go way back. Good morning, good day to you, it’s me. As the hand of God were your eyes that make me out of thorns, I saw how entangled and trapped and I was firmly believed that I wriggle myself, all alone like that with me and it still is. And indeed, I picked up from the thorny bushes, not knowing where to turn, and I would not care what I go through. I’m out of luck on the way out of hell, I decided to celebrate the Creator, to thank him and play with his creatures, I was happy and euphoric, nothing is lacking, just what I was all scratched, muddy and messy, tattered uniforms, blistered foot is lost view with amazement as we walked close to my dear Lord. But I saw how much I hurt, not hurt anything, and no one touches my wounds to the Lord, and I noticed that they are not open and that hurts me. Welcome, like you said, I swam the river and not knowing; Hail, lucky, bowing to me as if your soul has gone the same route by which I came to the temple of our communication. He gave me his hand several times, and I got burned, my palms tingling and blood in my brain suddenly breaks into a sudden memories of the pain, wound stung your skin. That’s why did not you and I never wanted to touch because it would be in vain, I wouldn’t sense slightly prayer at the sweaty forehead, I woke up from a fever and I would not have even seen or recognized.
Your view as you said, thank you Lord, Mother, thank you, that’s the last. I saw you make me burn your hand, but knowing that it did nothing for me and you have to take advantage of the right moment and then there will be opportunities, squeezed tightly and my hands very gentle with his fists, and the softness of the powerful and mighty that weaknesses and overcome when he saw the state and condition. Decisively and ruthlessly take my hand and pulled out of the thorny vegetation, and me still scratching all over again, so let’s just that I’m alive, and to be saved. You view me and my word that I knew from before I was warned not to look around than to focus my attention, although it is very difficult to manage as the sky-rocketing carriages without horses and you had to use a huge whip, which is widely heard gunshots, as muddled, wounded and frightened creature you stop me in the midst of the euphoric games and broke all ties with my own self, and force makes me look through the eyes with shells that belonged to me and slid, stubbornly tenderness you spoke to me, and with all the attention my stop, my whole your innocence that the only option was for me to open my eyes and all I want to watch. You know in your soul that you have this power that we will draw attention to myself that I found myself in you, I would have looked and seen what look like and how would that look too many brought new insights on where I actually was and where I came, and God created us is our temple of translucent light and breathable fabric, creating our yard with fragrant flowers from the garden of Eden is a multitude of colorful birds and reptiles, all full of life and knowledge is any house, did I finally make sense because I’ve got the answer, not asking for a long time anybody anything, I reply I received, a gesture of friendship, compassion, friendship and love yours. After so many wild sounds, I heard articulate speech which is hardly something that I remembered and I know fully well that hour and I finally answered and you immediately render your answer because we didn’t know when will again have the opportunity. Feed me and give drink my Lord at the time and gave me the best loved ones, indicating a soft innocence that attracts me with fragrant heavenly bread which is exactly what it says: Innocence Itself.8: 22

 

 

 

 

Once it was a very big celebration in the Temple. She was playing a little with children to calm them, they were shaking hands and she sat down in the bench, taking her head up to the cross, but there stood Witness, in his dark habitus with red ribbon. He looked so beautiful that she blushed just for a moment and than looked carefully in his way, as usual. He was staring at her, biting his lip and she knew that he love to see how she manage the kids, with respect and joking in the same time.

 

When there was a youth meeting when the young chorus was singing, she get the lyircs and was singing also, it was about a young man who was in many tragic situations and finally found God.  „Lead me, Mary, into pure depths, where my heart never was, so I could see where the source of living water is hiding“, she was reading and Witness was again there, standing straigth and peacefull, arms crossed and he looked and looked at her , staring without a blink; there how she was always standing when he spoked prayers on the Way of Cross.

 

Always, everything was about trembling. She remembered the day when she decided to give him some gift, spirit gift, because he  looked like he didn’t recognize her. But he did, he took the leadership in this relations of the Holy Spirit, Showgirl and Witness in Lord.

 

What was all that really about? She went to the Witness to make an appointment for cleaning a little. The Temple was huge and she knew from the past that priests were talking about cleaning it, they had cleaned hard and very much and almost all alone, without cooperation of people. When Showgirl had heard a pronouncement from the pulpit, she immediately came to say that she want to help.

 

She came to Witness and saw him in front of three serious men in suits (they had never leaved him alone) and she was waiting in the line, but Witness shaked her hand and turn from the men to her, asking what does she need. She said quietlly: „ For cleaning.“ He looked at her and asked in loud voice, so everybody in the room can hear: „For what!!!“ like he is angry. But Showgirl was used on yealing. She took the louder voice from her body, almost yealing also, so everybody in the room can hear and those who weren’t close, once again, the same words , but aloud: „For cleaning!!!“ Then Witness was like joyfull, but still aloud: „Ooh, yees, for cleaning“, and he went to the poster to make a note about her name and date when she has to come. The poster was blank, empty, nobody had an appointment.

Showgirl started a coversation in a silly way and Witness ignored her. She started again , but he still ignored her and then asking her name and carefully notified her name and phone and told her when to come. In the meantime, she was looking in that very well known man, remembering when he was younger, and he was a good preacher, asking herself what is happening with him, why he doesn’t recognize her, why he ignore her,  and decided to show him that life is wonderfull and that he has to love her like a priest. Maybe those politicians made him so. She decided to love him, to give him fresh blood. She was looking in his eyes surprisinglly, but after understanding she said, like a child, short and quiet because she started to trembling because of his calm and softly voice: „Ok“ and she run away. She wanted to do that thing only because she was God’s child, she wad giving her breath every night to Lord and saying: „“Here, I am your servant, let me be Thy mercy will“:

 Like was said, Witness suddenly took the leadership, probably consious of consenquences for his heart because he surrendered to someone very susspision.

And it all was the gift for God, all that playing with serious things. Because she wrote that she want to play with Him,because she dicovered how Lord is funny and like to play, He was often playing with her, she has that feeling; and she wanted to play but give to the God all her love and funny, she want to make this sacrifice which is not painfull but joyfull.

Witness gave the sacrifice, that innocent man gave all and more than all his love to Showgirl, to the God; she started to called Witness „ The Lamb Of Love“.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It seemed almost nobody understand, like she wrote, how “to hear the spirit“ :

 

If you were an artist

And if I were the music,

How well could you hear?

Who would be the luckyest,

Who would be prepared to lose it,

To let be pierced with a spear?

 

 

If we were not joyfull

When our Lord descending

And take the ash and sachcloth,

Who wouldn’t be peacefull,

Who wouldn’t be scare of ending?

Who else would love a lot?

 

If you were a priest

And if I would write lyric

Would we met each other?

Would just one ,  at least,

Could hear the Spirit

Of the Son and the Father?

 

Showgirl tried to see on the faces cooperation.

Witness didn’t see it, she knew by his eyes and words.

People in the Temple didn’t want to look two lovers, it seems that people  tought  that lovers are not obeying the rules of Temple. It seems to Showgirl that she has enemies and jealaously.

It was the sacrifice, to know that they will be separated, but enjoy happines truelly and with all forces, but it really was the gift of love between two who love God, to Him.

Showgirl didn’t expect any sorrow after the separating. Nor the pain. She was asking and controling how much is Witness ready for separating. She never had known.

But their connection last. Showgirl was writing and writing about believers, about Witness, she was showing her fidelity, she hoped, for ever.

She wanted, so to say, to save a Savior, she wanted to show Lord that she could do many good things. This poem is original in English:

 

In Divine I Recognize You

 

Meetings of ours  have those traits

which always were Divine and present,

like in these existing moments,

no matter in which we are ways

communicating, a hundreds percent,

or when will arrive the comments.

 

So, that Divine traits are more secure

than death or the world in it’s style;

and because I know them, I know us

and  I recognize your spirit  for sure

and I feel often like I could die…

because in divine Spirit  we trust.

 

Because when in the Temple of Lord

we were meeting and knowing each other,

I know, through the bones, it’s a true;

I know it is a life of a different sort,

I know that we’re in the will of our  Father;

I know because in Divine I recognize you.

Oct. 12.2012. 22:04

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Witness was brave because people and women were thinking that something very bad is happening. He put careers on the line. And than he had to take consequences: he was transferred before it had to be meant, in the first transfering which was next after summer.

 

Showgirl had dreams , also. When she saw beautifull colors, she knew that they are from him, from God through Witness. There is the  obligation to have at least one person whom do you prefer in God to

enter the Kingdom of Heavens, to have a real faith. And than, in Holy Spirit, you become full of His presents, you become somebody taller than nature in yourself, you become supernatural person, relation with Mighty and people. That makes community about  Jesus always talk, no matter what is the question: „Go through the world and do not do to the others that what you do not want from the others to do to you“.

 

 

 

 

And, before everything, she predicted in a dream the meeting with a secret lover, never wanted to have anything but spirit connection and to go towards sacraments to get know the Lord better.

 

A very funny dream was the first picture she had get from Witnes. About cloned grey- blue duck. She wrote a story about him. It was exactly what it was in her dream.  The duck could laugh very therapeutic and nice. The other dream was after she prayed Mary, she said to Her to put Showgirl’s mind into Witness’ heart, but she dreamed about Witness in her heart, because they was two in one in the Lord. He spoked to her and behind him were people and everybody listened to him like he is a big prophet. The colours in that dreams were delightfull.

 

 

              Contemplation of Witness was contemplation of a believer, healthy man in the best ages which spoked melancholiclly and softlly and which was surrendering, innocent and pure, to the Mother of God. The Temple was full of young girls who had gone from the Temple when Witness has gone. Showgirl was always staying with others, she found herself in the community of all.

But Witness has stopped her insanity. With prayer. He noticed her clothes, he was happy, he spoked:“ Wonderfull“ because of her drastic change.

And Showgirl, old, scary mountain get very young and start to run. Needed so little, Witness had move the mountain which had came to him.

And Witness was brave, he was dedicated only to her, it was rare when he turned to others and that was just to explain what and why is Showgirl doing this or that, but not in such exactly words. He was preaching about the living God which he has found not in the Temple, except in the one believer, Showgirl, because she was living with all of her in Lord, like him also. He loved her with all his forces, he was pointing on her like on an example of what Lord can do with poor, ill people, how they can become complete, loved people who can offer something to the others.

 

She is notifing:

 

20:48 was not mature to contemplate Way of the Cross. The first three stations were the first of their three years. Veronica station has been the most important to them. Witness emphasized the courage, so it remained carved in the memory. Veronica and the station was their separation, when she moved to the slope, the worst part of the trip was the first incline. Jesus falls under the Cross. Veronica races out against the crowd, bereaved women and men. Multitudes of her personally on its slope, gossip monger. Sorrowful some close people were because they have heard that she is changing and she is marked. There bereavement did not like and he would always criticize women of Jerusalem.  She went to treat incurable diseases. As the scarf is Veronica wiped more blood than what God has blinded the vision so she herself personally did not intend to let the disease than do it, not knowing what was in store, but with hope. This scarf was her support, comfort, hope and a symbol. There was no one to give her a scarf, she had a confession, but could not remember whether it was then in place. She remembered that the hospital received full unction. It was her pillar and a symbol for everything she had, except marriage and Holy Orders. Her courage was that she can not get married and vow to her love. Today she does not know why he is stressed bravery Veronica, but it’s not really any surprise by any means because you really needed the courage to come to Christ, to know him in misery, and he still follows the forehead, cheek, and this in the midst of serious sin and unbelief and large superstition, fear and hypocrisy. Because it can not bind heavy chains that leave bloody wounds and commas around your neck when suddenly someone tied jerked and pulled along the chain, then also tear and it’s a great gift for a small but significant bold move, because a normal human intentions The intent is really what is called humanitarian work today because it’s not giving the poor rather than tearing chains hypocrisy. That is courage.

 

Being a miserable experience and gentle touch the scarf of Veronica as she experienced the touch of his and saw his courage to break away hypocrisy, means to really get help from a man, and this is a great rarity. Today, the humanitarian workers held by all and everyone. For such humanitarianism, sometimes she saw that, it did not take anything, least of courage. Those two ran though, there was no fear because they probably were a little but tried and maybe he wanted to tell the faithful that Christ is not comforting than a big challenge, for him to be the first truly spiritual intent will certainly brave, conducted in work, and then come gifts. It is keen that every believer knows, and she has not seen that courage. She was not given. She saw the perseverance and persistence, she found strength. But she never noticed among the declared that they are really powerless to extremes, and the first in the attack, or running in front of the Christ. Moreover, she saw the fear of Christ, yes, it is seen that there were so many that could not go unnoticed, and it is actually normal as fallow fields by the road by which one goes to the right, so the landscape looks the same, and one corner of her eye.

 

At least a dozen times was the ritual of the Cross. Eleven years is a long time for her to return to the site and their reunion took place gradually, gently, as the Lord revealed to her that the disease will be easier. They threw her to the cross and fell right into the arms of a holy, and those who were initially marked by the grieving, laying in an empty, cold grave indifference because … how do you help someone who does not understand, it was an excuse. And how do you understand when you do not love, was her answer from the grave, but no one answered but they all just watched some dead, blank stare whether the board is well placed on the grave. And she is not only out of that grave when she wanted to go out, she loved the beauty of first love, and often live eternal life, and the suffering of Christ and loving, and tried to take one from the unbelieving crowd with him running in front of the Christ, and the other and third, but a bunch of believers in its place only saw a cold grave. They have not seen her, have not heard her. They did not understand, but it is not so important to understand, hey! That comes later, when you hear so burning thirst for insights into the mysteries.

 

 

Remember that without the calendar for four days. She looked at the old calendar, because she knew some details about their experiencing. She found the song. It was one of March, about 21.03.2012., Following the Second Sunday of Lent, approximately where the seriously admitted that indeed started, but did not know where until one else mentioned how her bones broke. In this first song was very serious, common sense is written, any inspiration, she admitted to herself that conjecture is not appointed, but that feeling was strong, real, sure, it was a spiritual experience without any theory other than that of conversion, but the conversion was regular, and so in that song did not mean something new, but obviously in a lot of verses trying to nominate this conjecture, even said that she had lost herself, already then. It was an interesting look at one place he wrote that the love between them was neither prepared nor sudden, at first glance. The moment when she passed her first word in the spirit of the covenant may not coincide neither with anything about him, except with the ordinary, the most sacred communion that is between them calmed always present, together with the saints in God and the world, in sin. This event has been described, it was an agreement, the first agreement that did not have to be in no way safe or promising, but it was in his and her spirit is eternal word. It has already been in some way shaped the fellowship, she’d even called one vast common inkling of which man trembles as bars on the rapids. Holy were cooperating, but this was something they had with themselves. It was not the beginning, but it was the first articulation and dedicated, faithful articulation of rights, it was her communion and his lecture, therefore, is only to be forgiven, after several months, and could not say what wrote: she was his spiritual son, and that by virtue of her adoption, she knows that part of him. Hence, in her adoption, in her spirit is he, continuous and present, and she can not possibly lose him, or the Body of Christ because she is precisely in the Body of Christ and became his spiritual son. It was the best she used to say, in their love in this way, with his will, his intentions in a short time, for they are always together. But that “together” is a very broad term that narrows when the hunch appears. Narrowing fellowship on this relationship in which they themselves are in God, even though they are holy present. Thus it can be concluded that it is always in the eternal life: every relationship may or may not become more or less solitary or shared. This is the dynamic of eternal life. These movements are a child of God to each other in God the Holy Spirit, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. From the Creator and Savior and Redeemer who comes out and honor them with the Spirit of Life Movement, Giver of life for man. Rubbish to say that the Holy Spirit is an asset, because He lives, but He may be the Creator in their relationship. This is not a desire or attempt to contemplate. She wanted only the Spirit of the Living to know more, , here it is discerned in communion with the saints. But to her it was only Life creator their particular relationship, and it was hot, very hot, Lives burned, burned, flickering, creating a fever without sweat in it. He was the Creator and Redeemer the ordering because of the beloved man came and comes through Him. And that was, she was convinced, either because of her adoption and her love. From his standpoint, he might as well forget it, but he was present because she herself could not have her thinking or unthinking cause all these phenomena, events, and what it was the most painful, most tangible – foreboding.

 

 

Forebodings were neither hope nor desire any. Forebodings were the least sign of something if not anything more. A sign outside, a sign that something happens suddenly for her, and has a normal course of reasoning, it is logical. Are not these forebodings were meaningless and incoherent but very specific words, his willingness, hostility or, here, one is crying and could hardly, with difficulty, managed to let a few tears, so foreboding stirred her soul, and after two days and learned which was, as it was thought. First she heard that he speak something comforting when she was tense because of a single event in the world. He seemed to say that everything will be OK with the event, how it ended. That night she was crying like a child because she is such emotions overflowed. Suppose she was sad because of the subconscious for nothing was not and never cry, be sad or not, that is, when he was gentle at God, melts at which the narrowed. This cry was literally throwing something soft behind. And the reason for that she couldn’t find, it was her intimate thing. So with no apparent motive and soften it over the computer, and leave the people and the television and the computer, lean on the wall, sitting on the floor, leaving barely a tear for tear, throw a heavy weight of the soul with the most serious intent that she did not know the names or the name means something to respond to. But that’s about an hour passed, and two days after that she heard him and his happiness. And this event was past normally, finished well. But only when it is heard, after two days, she remembered that the conjecture but it worked.
Now it has been able to conclude that she had heard, she dreamed many beautiful dreams, she sensed, she will, she recognized the mood, and all of that was not before it, and everything else was as before. How not to connect and your events with him? The more he loved her and she him, and that in God because and because of which they kissed. 10:54 p.m. to 5:00 pm wrote nine small pages. Before that, she slept a little. Right camping, really loved it its state observation. Who will read it? It was boring, it could in a more interesting way to tell the plain and inspired a love story or a drama, but it did not belong to the essence of her vows. That would be against all reason. It makes no sense. Better be boring. 04.01.2013. Friday, the 4th January 2013 23:01. page number 32, the end of part one.

This was the start of her introspection which she had begin to make a better introducing in new conversion and to make a real renew of her vow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When was the old news that Witness is going, he came one night and prayed „The Angel of Lord“. She get what she has written in the poem,

a sacrament for dieing people and prayer. „Now“, she concluded after some days: „I can die however I want“. Witness, once again, used the words of prayer: „Give the eternal rest, our Lord, to those who are death…“, and than he made a break, start to trembling and his voice was trembling, also: „… and those who are dying just right now…“, he made the sign of cross upon the Table, looking down and his hands were shaking. Showgirl noticed all and a few days later she checked poems, preaches and dates. Yes, it was what she tried to tell about Knight in the poem, she wanted Witnes to be near by her when dying. And Witness decided to be with her, in spirit, any time. She was convinced that she will die in his spirit arms, bur the first thing was that she will, hope so, die in Lord. She had learned how to remember Witness and through him – Almighti Jesus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But this is still going on, a life. Such kind of life which is for sure life of Holy Spirit in the Lord Jesus and the will of the Father. She saw a little flame after Witness had his last preaching. She wasn’t sure if there is a last time they are seeing. The chorus begun with song about Mary, which is going: „Hallo, Mary, hallo, hallo, Mary“. Witness was closing his papers, singing, and took a look towards Showgirl like he is saying: „You can go alone from now, I’ll always be here“ and she couldn’t resist his beloved eyes and smiled like a child, like they used to smile to each other. He was satisfied with her braveness, and people arround was crying, girls were desperate. Witness had a wining look on his face and Showgirl was for days and more days like in some dream in which there was no any feeling about something what would look like they will never see again, never ever more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

               Six months after, Showgirl started renewing her soul again, in the memory of Witness. She got a very bad flu and needn’t walk in the evenings to the Temple. Two long weeks she didn’t go there and she felt desperate, it was for the third time that winter. She felt a sort of pain. Where are  you now, my medications, what good of you has left. Isn’t it

a big change, from that euphoric loving till this pain in the soul? And the medicin is the same. Isn’t that a proof that God heal me like the medicine help me and which God take to make me a better life?

 

Once, three months earlier, she started slowly to cry a little, only with a few tears and the day after she heard a very good news for her homeland. She remembered when Witness told her that the news will be good, Showgirl saw him in spirit, exactly, she heard his mood and will.

Six months she was writing poems and then about the vow, she really didn’t want to be mad and have fun, she wanted to calm down like an old lady who lost her only husband and decided to stay alone. There were no more men in her life, except one bad try. Never, never she will be again that ill and never she will has a new partner. It seems sad, but it was Holy Sprit in whom these two can communicate.

Witness was on the other side of globe, there was not any sign of him in the Temple. Showgirl couldn’t love the priests any more. She had more things to say against the lousy faith which she sometimes saw in the people.

But not to go to the Temple wasn’t Witness’ will, for sure. He was always on her side, even when she wrote silly articles. It wasn’t nice, but he still believe in her.

When she was laying with the temperature, the tought came into her mind that maybe she is very boring to Witness. Today, she didn’t conclude yet what it must mean.

 

 

She wrote one day before he went away: 

 

“…bloodstream slows me, I’m shaking at the thought to the significance of the event that is reflected as a solemn moment of entering through the wide-open gates of paradise garden where waiting welcomed the living God.
Eternal life of our parting gets stake in its meaning. Like when I think of the moment of death: excited by the majesty, beauty and dignity in which I set foot once.”

 

That is her feeling, she only has not to be in a death sin and she is in the mercy of Lord. She knew she could ask anything, but she know also that she has to do something, to go forward and to be serious.

 

 

She had to repent, to do the conversion, spirit renewing like the year before, when this job and the leading of the job took Witness upon himself. Showgirl knew that he is willing to help in this matter again and again. The beginning of last year converting was about now, one year past from the meeting these two; she wanted to renew the vow. So, she begun to write, to blogging, with very strong hearing, she wouldn’t call it a conjecture or hunch or something like that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue II

In the temple, I saw what scarecrow I am, though it somehow before I knew it, but I’m doing everything to not be afraid of creatures. I looked puzzled, and how terrible the innocence of yours, as powerful and reliable as well, looking at your uniform, I was in serious disbelief, never being able to merge the two into a single entity, but your outfit does not give me that had ever suspect the reality of heavenly beauty and anguish that he called me one in one. Straw with my mind I’m instantly add together two and two, but disbelief is still ongoing. Recognize your missing and still enjoy the benefits and gifts abundance of paradise, and I wonder if I have to wear a uniform and I change or rags, but no, that would not be present, I would have lived, would not be at all temples in our garden. So you determined such kind and I knew, I continue, here, I’m a scarecrow, but I did not see anybody intimidate and whether it is something desirable, my sharpness is only important and alive, tiny chips to your legs.
Day when palm branches blanketed me and angel song that celebrates the simple folk death was my moment of solitude in which to find you alive stalking me and bless thy great power source that I know, though I can not articulate anything so if its existence and weep every time when that Day comes and restlessly trying to reach a true expression of me that fell on the ground and in the inability to imagine I’m falling against Israel so let me cut off or break off a twig that when I can not do any better. The Day comes often, and then I live in you because I turn all in you, all unaware that uniform is gone and unconscious  even if it might be that have fallen the sharpness of me. I’m not in those moments more important because I know you inside and next to me and I get the skin drops of holy water because I am the wound of the Lord, in that I know it’s you and I became innocent in each subsequent hour more and more, and only then, did I know that articulation will find one somewhere, and it will not be that death is celebrated and covered by palm leaves me in bed and in walk barefoot but the bones will be set unbroken. 9:21 am, 2013.12.29.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue III
2013.01.30. Wednesday evening 21:35 pm

I was drawn into the spiraling vortex that climbs your footsteps by which I am his tiny traces slowly walked a tightrope, but never have I lost, so sticky it was your footsteps. Standby attitude in tension and I looked for when you say that a little rest, and so, now I’m sitting on palm leaves lying around and of splendor, looking at you in the Lord, and you sometimes look at me or move the eyes and turn them on healed wounds, one or the other. And now you’re, like by the way, watching where that wound leaks and gently scum purple rose petals whose edges white watering with water that flows from the wound, and reject her flowers soaked in a special part of me that for me was ripped open his place long, long ago. In low voice you ask me “how’s it going?” With joyous derision as it was the Lord and joyful smile when I scare the first time overtaken at the sight of a dry tree waiting for me, seated behind which we will find your black pupils, the darkest gold and dark borders from which flowed still only love and affection on me, scarecrow. Then all three fixtures wealthy thy robes and pray with you in ecstasy that only on the leaves of palm man can experience. 21:52

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, IV Epilogue
2013.01.31. Thursday, 21:54
Thy rose petals themselves in the wine are flowing as a decorative fountain in the middle of the garden with a fountain full of all sorts which are supplied drinking water and there still live our rout. Through relaxed conversation in which you don’t speak one or two complete sentences as you focus on the job and you are pushing just a few words, through the harmonious atmosphere in the background coming through the bones of your waves some hot costumes that I am receiving and warm out of it as fertile fields, drenched, south under the strong sun, pretending as if it is natural and comfortable, relaxed exchanging juice, water, or other aggregate states of your mind and my heart to the Lord, the Holy Spirit, in whose arms sometimes realize how many of us love to embrace, hug reward. I pretend to breathe properly, and normal, and that I was not hit in the throat, and I think of a word because he can not speak or write something trite, silly, something stinks, and you, where appropriate, are validating, as by the way “Oh, yeah? “or surprise me strict orders from someone, and I, of course, staggering follow. I’m getting out of bed, rising from palm twigs and approach in contrast to the only thing I know and do: stand firm, quiet, close my arms in the chest or up, to the lips, following your every thought and my associations and then begins serious our game because I thought of my dispersed, when wander, watching again as by the way and strict allowance for their words. Significant findings then I get, I leave them for later consideration, and happy, like a fountain, dispersed association hear your answers to them – it’s several conversations all in the same thy speech when I should speak simply “Amen. So be it. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue V
2013.02.01. Friday, 16:33
Sometimes, when I do not see you, I know that you’re giving me the temporality in which I anyway come back to you, and you know that all my roads lead to you because you kidnapped me, covering me hooded in pitch darkness in which I no did not notice you put me in front of him on the bare backs of angels and ran away with me from that same temporality, you saw who I was and what I was, and I recognized the ancestors of blood and saw the future and so I am in no way out of this precious vortices can not get out, nor with your wings, and my angel will fall, except in the arms of the Lord, where again, of all the saints, I discern that spirit which I knew you once and for all. No one asks me, I look myself
and I meet wonderful people, and you know, and make me jealous not show them everything paths to self that so suddenly I became well-known in you, because we are one. Jealous divine jealousy to herself, I do not reveal the veil, revealing it cunningly, that no one in the light of the moon does not see the light, and that something was seen in the utter darkness – all of this is understandable, so do not ask all of them are really gross darkness made, which actually plays in the dark but do not look and switching the lamps of its fantasies and ideas that arise in your emotions, intense emotions, and does not know anyone from where they came. So I am not alone, but I remain jealous of you and because of you, that someone is not detected, although, as I said, you got me already kidnapped. 16:47
Sometimes, when I can not hear and can not keep quiet, I will bring scattered joy or anguish, anyway, I let myself out of all those remaining in me the knowledge that I have so long been considered reminding myself, it seems vain, interpreting the environment in order to be a Christian is to be a scarecrow that looks like that the cult of illusionism and spiritualism, ha – ha-ha, and I try to give and receive just because you pass along that same question: “How’s it going?”. Yes, I know you know how it goes, who am I to describe you what you’ve finished all while I was the beautiful woman, beautiful human, feminine being and fall in love, whether it’s the Scarecrow, either by wolves and eagles … that I am only looking for you everywhere, everywhere I’ve been looking, and do not even know yet that I’ve found, no, I do not know, and here, but my spirit is renewed vow … that’s our promise, that’s the order? Ninetieth, fiftieth, you celebrate a silver wedding anniversary or celebrate the conversion of many of the day, a lot of gold and brilliant Pyrrhic we have. Well, suppose that the first, truly very the first anniversary. Is not it the same? Do not you recognize something on the first time of innocence, when it was left without what I’ve always thought that I would keep: myself. What makes the recognition, if not by what is with you most admire? Otherwise, where would confirm the covenant and where would you accept such a thing as normal, most ordinary child’s play in the sandbox? 17:06

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue VII
2013.02.02. Saturday, 3:21 at night
I pray and thank the Lord for everything, constantly thank and searched and I ask that carries me these days, yes, as you do these days spend their prayer, to ask him to carry me in his arms and looked at your words, your body and mind, your soul and what is now booming in your heart, your emotions. Celebrating Mother and I thank her and honor the quiet devotion, as the side because you’re her first since you’re her real child, what can only wish and pray whenever something for you, She made me shine divine light of spirit for which I am weak and ungrateful. But She still gives me, I tell you, when I think of you and to add to slyly Her please, if not for anything, because then your love, loyalty, filial thy perfect, I know that because I am answered from Her, She tells the Lord about you, and in you I’ve hidden myself and I get, I get bits of everything, all the gifts and granted prayers that you showered. As a stowaway on a ship, I enjoy sharing your sonship, you were an advocate for Mothers, you are indebted to me with Her and one which made me the happiest creature in the wider world. I’m not saying that I do not love the Virgin, it does not treat enough, but it was never important for the answered because She does not give because somebody gives honor than horror and all, and, in the end, knows how much I fear, as I investigating Her and exploring that would loved to suspicions that unmarried people may be awaiting the sons of God, the glory of the Immaculate Conception is the composition of the highest of human aspirations, wildest desires one faithful, silent suffering curious one spiritual creatures. She is strong and solid as a rock, and gentle and lenient, which adds romance and charm to every meeting, She said softly shining on our wedding day, making sure everything is in abundance, it does not run out of anything, She still hears and gives gifts to enjoy it glorious day, I still use Her blessing, blessed because you asked for it. Admit, when I ask Her, I take always your name, just in case, She can not deny it, can not and does not want to, and perhaps because of Her and pleasing themselves someday. She is my best Mother In Law I could wish for, she tells me about you, where else would I know how big is your mission and how you light up in the kingdom really, a lot more than many, a lot more than me and you will have for me always love, time and patience. Whatever God has cheapened the frame of creatures, so She is exalted in the frame deities, human aspiration and everyone, She is the top of the peak and innocence which sees not Satan and the devil will never know how much of hell in his effort to attack Her, to test, dominate, kill, wound, hurt, anything he tries to do, just burns even more. And you prayed and somehow destined to Innocence adoption, you’re my shadow of Her fringe, you give me the size of Her most revealing beloved and loving motherhood. She is among the mysteries too big a secret to everyone, and you must be no confusion in but got the privilege, you’re so humbled and honored spontaneously got sonship of Her as if it were self-explanatory, it’s all natural and pleasant it is for all the rest of us the greatest supernatural deity that I fought so hard to criticize because Mother of yours is not what people pray and speak, no, it’s not Her, no blind adoration She does not need, does not give Her because she granted prayers that people pray but as you prefer, and that would like to have the knowledge. She is easier to know than the body of Christ to know more about her. She whom none can know, She, who only dreamed greatest reward for the students of the kingdom of heaven, because only there, in the Promised Land, a mortal can actually a little closer look at it, and if there is grace, shall celebrate her size. Who really has the Blessed Virgin Mary as a mother, this is the patron saint of saints and unattainable for the creatures, at least in this world, as is that of Her deity simply become unreachable because the world does not know how to approach Her, and she nearly continuous slaughter and begging, what else. Terrible is when someone tries to enter Her, as it is for the believer to take him to the Son became man and approached, the easier it is for him to cross, but try to understand His Mother in so foolish way, bowing to Her, and do not take for an example; Immaculate conception take a cue can not be a man in this world if it is not seasoned believer in Christ who is Love itself, and only when you are actually Christ get close, that is, if you eat The, you might see the light of Her Innocence is great. We can do it and babble and sing to her, but she does not listen and does not advocate for our caresses. The greatest miracle of God, Immaculate, is the smallest in the kingdom of heaven. There is no one less than her. And so great is the glory of Her and Her perfume reaches the most hypocritical and worst of pagans on earth, to all nations so that even Satan, the poor, has no idea what cope him when, fooled so small and chastity, and simplicity of Closerness eternally in hell trying to in  pain would have grabbed and devoured, no …!
And you, you’ve got the gift for which I love Her, know in a little bit, through you I see Her sometimes, I do not know what and how, and I know it’s not my doing, but, if one’s merits, it is in your loyalty, fidelity, love continuous and mighty prayer … that this is a prayer that you won for me the honor? 4:32

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue XX / 1 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How did the development of theological thought, she did not know, but she knew that the truth always believed. The Lord took her and at the same time went to meet her. A lot of such truthful pagan thoughts accumulated in thirty five , when he saw that all deposited sit down and combines in a single moment, when he saw the Resurrection. It’s never about the theological views think until then, is believed to be able to get into all sorts of circumstances after the earthly life, and she knew that this after death life, but it shows, sometimes as something good, and sometimes a large one and a huge

like the image of wandering, as if there was no God, and believed that only one God exists. Especially her anything unusual, no one ever showed that he knew what she knew and did not have another opportunity to learn and teach than reading everything she has come under the arms, so the accumulated these pagan philosophies of life in her head, but he never had answer to her question about what and where is the origin of reality as he perceived it. The answer had to be straightforward, clear and concise to her question, and dozens of years she could not find him. He later learned that the man curious about the ultimate cause of all things and it has the smallest feet since the beginning of the world. I knew that her curiosity is normal, not a disease or a disorder, that when she came to realize that there is a short one hour meeting with the resurrection, because it was such a short and specific answer. Now she imposed the question was asking when she was very little years so far, why not get an answer right away? Of course, in order to see all that the Lord had not, that is part of what He is to see that it was God when he actually encounters is true. She was also a very amorous, but she thought that love is just one of the emotions, like fear or shame or happiness or sadness. Later came to realize that the truth is met by the fact that love is unfathomable and indescribable her Lord, what Resurrection, which was promptly reply and uniting all of her knowledge and experience. All at one point in her subconscious mind and did the trick and without emotion because he was petrified and stunned and amazed. But still he stayed in front of the curious resurrection, but it is not the Lord continue answering queries that have mixed it on the head at that moment and forever after that moment. So again, it had a search through the literature, but when he took the Holy Bible in hand for the first time, stood soon as the start was too tortuous for her abilities, and thickens book around that did not have at the beginning of the classic division, conflict, climax, denouement, and end. When you find that there is one place where you could learn how to read the Bible, go and know many others who answers her very welcome, it is hoped that theology never has all the answers that are not in philosophy and literature existed, there were only vague knowledge as well as its head, some sort of proof that it does not prove anything. Not even so much knowledge had to be divided into natural science, social sciences and the humanities but just remembered that science is science, and she called natural science and nothing else. Since he was very active in the natural and social events and experiences, of course, that it failed to deal with only a theological theory and has never been impractical people. Only after experiencing, she really suffering great agony, conversion has begun, but then rose to more reliving it because it had a lot to reverse several times in his head after thirty five years, all accumulated. At a time forgotten curiosity and prepare for the real and complete encounter with the Lord, it certainly was important to come to him to avoid wandering souls like those of the great expanse of eternity with God and like you will never meet. Not a lot of doubt about whether it die a natural or social death experience, just tried to finish jobs , it has a dozen years.
When you look at it you have no idea about the development of theological thought, her curiosity had grown too great. But theory and the way it had too much, and that was the practitioner, the new theory it had no more time and patience than the first for practical life. But it happens, and then a bit of relief from the pain and her life became a little easier, even excessively delighted as if he had gained another life and time on earth gift, it was a side effect of many conversions that began to repeat the passion and later . Realizes he does not know and does not need to know anything more because it will never be an end to this curiosity and knowing the Lord. Perceived that natural death is by no means what people often like to say, when you die, you’ll be all clear. No, no, no way it could be, when you die, you’re in the same hell or purgatory if you’re really thirsty and the Lord knew it. The kingdom of heaven is entered on a very narrow door that is not easy to find, no one can easily find the door to God or the earthly and temporal life or in eternity, the same or even more difficult, and the job is waiting to appeal, especially if you push away moment of intense conversion , waiting for you to solve your natural death duties; such, and there are plenty who think like that, you just accumulate problems and difficult job that awaits him forever, he died or not, conversion is the ultimate goal of human.8: 05

 

 

 

 

Testament, Epilogue XXII
13.02.2013. Wednesday, 14:37 Yes, I changed the subject, so I changed the essay, it is sufficient to go to the temple and look into what’s there. Amazing how different people differently read and interpret Scripture and how it is interpreted differently and chaplains, each in their own way. Addressed outside of what the Church teaches about the Holy Scriptures can take away from so many numerous statements that really needs to be considered, one is enough to drop casual idea as to talk about the scripture. If you are still on that one begins to develop along the roads claims further consideration, it is no longer a Biblical word, not what the Lord has said directly. How Christ is much more direct say in Scripture that multiple claims are corroborated by this and to consider only a few words should be long-term study of the Scriptures in life, himself. Consider, for example, a boy of twelve, who plays in the Temple of the Scriptures and the Prophets, is more than enough in response to inquiries curious about what was actually a boy’s childhood. It is futile to ask the waste of time. The real baptized, for example, the age of twelve ripe for serious learning among adult connoisseurs of Scripture that has been learned and discussed in life. Christ clearly before his twelfth year, is not wasting time, but lived under the Law of Moses because otherwise he would have known equally talk with the elders of the temple on the Scriptures and the prophets. I was in a real sense a fully mature and literate, although he lived in a society where they were only partly written elders. If the people knew the whole baptismal one has to expect from people, or these children to the age of twelve, but differ what is right and what is religious truth. And it is consistent with the religious life, and what not. We do not need great intelligence nor extensive reading of scientific papers to a religious man lived from childhood, but if the child is living faith since childhood, he can speak as the smartest book at the age of twelve. Such reasoning is much more interesting than guessing about whether Jesus performed miracles as a child and what kind and whether Mary with Joseph intensively reared and taught something. And how He was inspired by the Holy Spirit!  The fact is that Jesus actually lived as a believer and perhaps nothing is ever written. Jesus certainly lived the temporal life, with Joseph the Worker and Mother who was engaged in everyday tasks. Surely he prayed and realized the power of prayer. Surely he knew that he had to be at the Heavenly Father. Surely nothing but religious life is neither taught nor did and it was overwhelming and therefore endowed with the power of the Spirit. At the same time he was without sin, innocent as a lamb. So the wisdom and innocence of a set of properties that a believer in that has to be recognizable in the ideal case, and this very early in his youth. Just how wise and innocent they would be other believers who are faithful older people!
But be wise and innocent, you can not learn to be a sudden, in a moment of adulthood. Be wise and innocent sounds like something that is simple and maybe not so demanding. That’s the whole wisdom of religious young life underlying the great religious works of the future adult believers.
Be tricky not being wise. It does not mean to be innocent. When you all around you share advice, and do not realize you seriously, it’s possible that you are innocent and to think of people that you have to teach some evil acts and thoughts, because without them you might fail, so keep you naive. And you would be naive, with your innocence and wisdom are not going religious life, and that means that you are gifted with knowledge, advice, strength, wisdom, piety, love of God and effective prayer. You do not need to be tricky, Lord no one can fool even win, and God is all on your side and hence you can be as innocent as a lamb. You just have to learn and practice the acceptance of any responsibility. Then those who wish to teach “real” life can only advise you to try it yourself and how not to get hurt, and, in their, be so naive in life.
She met innocence, knowing full well that he would not be that it does not stand behind and religious wisdom. She also knew that she herself would not have that innocence and noticed that she did not have the wisdom and innocence and genuineness of some religious.
Innocence and wisdom, you inevitably lead to a complete surrender to the responsibilities and prevents you shirking responsibility and amassing a job for later.
Clear lecture witness only to her and her game and without deliberation or hesitation, it was total surrender of responsibility that has emerged and it immediately when they occur. It was totally compromise their own safety to someone else and because of his good and honor of the Lord. It’s not the only and the main reason for her meeting with the innocence of a gain in quality and inspiration, and to the great satisfaction and happiness. Satisfaction arose because there was a meeting of two people working and only Christ, the Lord, and they    immediately found Himself among them. Of course it is this encounter was memorable, eternal and full support of God and His gifts, Christ came and lived among the two is in their game and the tradition that was what Christ I surrender to love. And you can’t say that is not permanent and eternal.15: 29

 

 

 

 

 

Now, what I’ve said, I am realy little retard, sometimes do not have an isnspiration. Only on  Sundays I read a small preach on the Interrnet, it is inspired, but I am not sure who is the autor of it. I am not sure where exactly Witness is, except in our eternal communication, that I know because, like he said once, I have that spiritual „lived touches“ with him in Lord. And I am not a real showgirl, I am a woman wich is showing herself without any obstacles of which I would be conscious, I was very close before illness ,  but the same, open heart and because I believe in Christ, it is obvious that He is speaking and doing almost everything through me.

 

But real works of Christ you can find in some people, the angels, all arround. It seems to me that they are very rare. I met one real angel, that’s my Witness, for real he is the witness of God.

 

Here, I’m much better now, here what I wrote after the last seeing:

 

 

Lived Touches 3

18082012,

Saturday mystery of love

 

I didn’t met you  on the body, the eyes or tone of voice rather than just through your vocation and mission.

Body of Christ as the sign is out of your hands, like a piece broken off yourself.

Mystery brotherhood of priests and people, as if a crush on forever, but not as something that is added to the hand-to-hand but as the adoption authorities in yourself and dining that man changes his ingredients and turns man into a priest’s son, and he, so changed, breaks off a piece of his own, off from himself and offers a different, patiently waiting for someone from the people to come to him and handed open palm.

Since I am your son, I am not afraid to give with all my forces, I know that I can not lose myself never in devotion.

I can not lose you, because I remember vividly the body, the eyes, the voice, the hands, speed and can not lose the Body of Christ because It  transformed me and, such transfigured, wasting myself I become enrich and I live. 1808 1022

 
 
published introspection 18th August 2012 12:05:42 | Permalink | 0 comment (s)

 

 

It was on my blog.

 

That Sunday, the day after, he was gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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