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Spring Crows, essay

March 15, 2013

 

                            A SNAKE

 

SPREADING THROUGH THE CORNERS

OF THE SLOW CREEPING DOWN,

A THOUGHT IS TRYING TO AWAKE;

ONE THOUGHT WITHOUT AWARENES

WHICH IS NOT YET ENTERING A MORN

AND WAITS INSIDE LIKE A HAPPY SNAKE…

 

HAPPY, I SAID: HAPPY… SHE WON’T BITE.

I’M LOOMING, A NORTH WIND CALMS HER

AND THE STONE ABOVE’S STILL SO WARM.

LOOK HERE, THE SKY BECOMES BRIGHT,

IT DROWNS IN A BABY BLUE. NO DARE!

THE SNAKE WON’T PEEP, OF MY OWN…

 

AND HERE IS THE WEATHER FORECAST;

THE STORM IS PREPARING, RAINY DAYS,

BUT I KOW IT WILL NOT LAST,

SO THE HAPPY SNAKE OF MINE SAYS.

1510  730

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March, the 13th 2013,   Wednesday, 11:12 am

What the story? That was more than a story, it was a real drama.

I went to the hospital, to get an injection and had no money for the ride. Still, I am going, I am full of inspiration, I had written a political poem and a religious article.

On my face there is an expecting of the end of the ride. It is long and every minute could come the control and I becoming tense.

 That all finally passed.

I am tense, I am in the hospital. I am waiting a nurse.

 

I get the injection.

 

What to do now, still I have to go by bus and have no money.

All will be happening again.

 

Al last, I’m home.

I got no inspiration any more. I can’t write a thing. And have to go to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

My glorious last words were pretty fine. I like them.

This should be a prose poem. At the eleventh page now, I am trying to concentrate a little, but the truth is I got no inspiration. I’m thinking about the days I spent in hospital. That is something to sing about. I have no words.

 

 

 

 

 

                 “SPRING CROWS”

                    Starting on page twenty one of March, the ninth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The semi-cloudy atmosphere gray-white hospital complex is not born anything but anxiety with which people already coming there, visitors in serious condition, patients like phlegmatic people, and doctors, such as they are.
When you get an apartment, food and medicine, and there is no rain, you go out and walk around.
It’s wonderful. There is no longer anything nicer to say.

 

 

 

The bad thing is that before, when you were in a long and difficult your situation, but it is not great even after it, when you leave the hospital.

Psychiatric wards in hospitals are not as depressed as the depressed are the souls patients, patients are not ugly in these departments. Ugly is in their stomach, pains in the stomach, sickness in front of their eyes, and spasm in the throat and chest, which is why the consent to the treatment and life-saving drugs, which make the cramp is loosened, humiliates and destroys all the ugly images of hospitalization.

Often I think of, as now, those moments so I know catch spasm of anxiety over the situation, which is my right state, which I forgot in my soul, and forget because I’m on medication for many years. Treatment would be dangerous to interrupt just to see if I feel better and how much. Not better, not so much to be interrupted treatment for at least the next twenty years.

Because I never know how much I have yet of this life, or how much time and actually did not really more important if I live another ten or a hundred years, it is important how many minutes I have before me. Everything must always be prepared for the possible eventual cessation of all actions and activities. I always think that I would live like this for a long time because I have so much to live like selfish, I like to live for myself, of course, the Lord who heals me.

Maybe I had to clarify that term healing. I understand that medicine heals me. This does not mean that the Lord doesn’t have his fingers. Unusual need for clarification for men of the world, but completely normal for the environment in which I lived, worked, and obsolete.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s hard to be in the present and tell stories about the past because the past is not gone. The disease follows me like a shadow, like a snake that is hidden under a rock while happily walking on the rocks, rocky Mediterranean coast and you know that this area is full of snakes, but you never see any.

Snake never shows because the drug is so good that I am completely sure of myself, mostly. Uncertain socializing after intensive care in the hospital, it is terrible uncertain, but it is for me and the people I meet, not because of illness.
It seems to me that it is not such a problem to re-learn to read and write or re-learn to speak (but who am I that I could give you my judgment), as it seems problematic to go through the first early years of childhood, the making of a real childhood and adolescence and strive to be balanced and try mature and thus, in my old age.

 

I have a real good reason to bother about it: these are my children. People who were with me and have because of me suffered, each in their own way, have the right to get better ​​next to me as long as I can do anything or tell them that I understand their situation or problems.

Another good reason why is me alone and the miracle that made ​​me a cure, thanks to my Lord and certain doctors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was worst, and most dramatic, attend morning meetings of the whole group of patients with the department. I thought that shows off and imitate healthy life and how fragile our attempts perpetuation of normal life have almost no effect on the shift in psychosis, such as when you break a leg and then walk trying to repair a broken bone. The bone will heal, will surely wrong heal, but it will take you a long time, and you will never have a normal leg.
It is not difficult to fulfill obligations such as showering, making beds, editing rooms, exercise, attend a meeting and going to occupational therapy. This helps the patient to the right as to be able to live in a society of normal people. Eventually, after a long, long time, a regular habit of life, orderly form. However, you often do not meet basic tasks during that month to spend on hospital treatment. Few patients went on occupational therapy for more than one or two times and can no longer deal with small and large problems that must be dealt with which is constantly facing, loses perseverance, strength, courage and enthusiasm. Should behave politely, but spontaneously should look neat, be careful not to make the stains and not muck with paints or glue, must be a good faith even though it has a lump in his throat and he can not any of their tasks to fulfill, can not make two equal balls of clay that are needed to form the entire necklace and anything that does not serve anyone and will not allow any individual creative design than the clay used for movement and exercise self-control. I am confident that I could from these pellets do abstract pieces, and pressed strongly in the  hands that I’d call the sculptures that would have progressed to the mentally normal personality and individuality and exercise coordination to avoid very easily and spontaneously. This is just one example of many that shows what I am all changed in psychotherapy, and, I might add drama and creativity in any case, because creativity is treated quickly and effectively, rather than repeating the same exercise listless imitation and moods of those patients who were very happy and advanced solely by the fact that they were extremely careful and neat with the material, and therefore perhaps a better psychological condition, but unaware of ethics and when you do not have the ethics, you can not have health or strive for a healthy life.

 

 

 

Or you get the task to evaluate the meeting room, which is best cleaned up, and nobody cares about ratings, the only important is to do the best thing may be, then, some appear to be lamented that they deserved a better grade, but they do so only because to learn voting and public appearance, not because they feel that their efforts are not enough observed. That’s because you strive to equip your bed as you like, but not the way it works in the barracks and hospitals, what point is there in being a good soldier when it is important to treat creativity and ethics? This is not a sort of democratically way, it is simply because the military has a lot of patients who need to learn to be obedient as it will help them to heal. Find me normal people who know how to obey, while at the same time knows how to listen to someone, especially someone who has a problem. That’s when you do not obey by your will.

You do not need to be healthy to be creative and ethical but you have to be ethical, full of love and mercy, and you have to be creative to keep yourself healthy and normal. Logically, in this case, the treatment is going in the same direction.
It seems impossible to learn revolutionary group of lost and disturbed psychotics to be ethical or creative, but it is only at first glance. However, this method is much easier and simpler. And so the child learns at home: learn to show their love for their elders, his father and mother, family and friends, and to indicate when they are injured, and not be locked within themselves. You can also allow your child a lot more creativity, if you don’t dedicate your precious time to everything else, just not for your children while they are still so small. They dedicate their time only when there is a problem, and then it is too late.

Maybe I speak only for myself, but there are examples that show that treating creativity and ethics have much success with other patients.

When I got into an association for the resettlement, so I acted according to several patients whose condition was at the time a little worse than I do. They showed a lot of enthusiasm and good will, but they started to tie for me, it just shows that you need for the patient to have Dry or Fan that you would pay as well as their small children, it is understood that you will get feedback when you invest yourself and your efforts. However, I had to get away from these people because I did not even healthy and not an expert; I was able to volunteer, but on condition that all work together in an environment that is a good team composition and harmonize. That was not the case and I had to go to the patient should not be so tied up that it would be bad for them because I could not guarantee that I will be with them all the time and some for as long as necessary.
It just reminds me of the family treatment in cooperation with social institutions. It’s like the communion of sciences: just need to engage a medical doctor, psychotherapist, volunteers, nurses and neighbors, colleagues and, especially, the immediate family.

When you are ill single parent, and the children are grown up, you can give them the knowledge to engagement in treatment must be mutual understanding, but it really does not come to an understanding, because you can not even describe what it’s like to be psychotic, or you can meet the requirements of having a healthier from you to you. But the effort is always worth it, though often make mistakes.

 

 

 

 

What is the benefit of all that seems to mentally handicapped when only the drug do what’s most important and most urgent, and the drug must be taken regularly and continuously, what is the use of under-developed background therapy that includes psychotherapy, and they are more testing than talks and learning creative making and in particular: dramatization of his own situation on the spot.
Several “mildly retarded patients,” I met when I was better. I remembered her and I remember one snake that is hidden, well I remember it, and I can never forget. On the other hand, I came to myself, there’s no mental pain and can regulate the ability to concentrate. It was ideal for volunteering with these patients. They delighted me: the moment when I showed interest in their views of themselves and their lives, and when I told them honestly that I do not see that they are retarded but wounded and that their intelligence is definitely better than mine, they showed a really positive emotional response and between us was created more than friendship, and so we saw each other and worked together, “big” operations, and we are especially nice, well-spoken and well, even though they, only a few days ago insisted, saying, “I’m retarded, I am unable, I can not. “; in one of that moments, I have to leave them because I understood that it could happened that they will suffer and retard if I stay close with them for a long time and after that if I would have to go far away from them. I wasn’t careless with them, I told them that I will have to go away, told them that I have my own life and tasks. I was very surprised with their changes because I never thought that maybe I am doing something wrong, I only was trying to be re-socialized.

 

There is the other view on that problem. Every normal person who was beside me never answered to my re-socialization. I have never got the ordinary answer to my curious questions and they didn’t respond to my suggestions. I was disappointed with society and organization, but mostly with a lack of ethics.

 

I didn’t want to get social with normal people.

I couldn’t get social with any other.

I had to get social with the kids.

 

 

I know that I have more and more to dos, the more I’m trying to heal my soul. I make mistakes. I have to balance my behavior and my mind.

It is clear to me that you can really know somebody when you are close to him, when you love him because you love the Lord and many other people and that you can have trouble with emotionally weak patients. Maybe the supportive helpers are afraid to get closer to someone who is stigmatized, but that is not the reason to avoid to make the organization of healing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is one interesting thing: I can hardly concentrate if I don’t take my other small pills against the anxiety. But my concentration is wonderful when I write and when I write anything, even when I’m tiny with inspiration. I can write for hours and than go to sleep, very tired. That is happening only if I find a stuff to write about, like those essays. It must be something what I find interesting and what is a little bit like well done. I have a big benefits, I use an experience of writing as a therapy. And I am concluding in the way that has a very nice order. That I couldn’t do if I speak and forget what am I speaking about. Many patients are making notes. It could be very interesting to see that notes, not for doctors, but for every day people. They would have to make notes also, but they “have no time” for such a silly things like they are do not know what they are speaking about. And the truth is that normal people know less than those patients what are they talking about. That is because of deep psycho experience the patients have: they simply know the soul of human better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I must say what we mean by “ethics, ethical”: the man does not get better than the desire to be better or if it behaves the best and most beautiful things can. It is not ethics, it is hypocrisy because no real change encompasses the whole person, not just his behavior. Ethics covers only the form and concerns only the form that respects the man, but does not change the “content”, it is the history of the world proved. It proved wars and atrocities that will always be. Man can not change himself in the bud. In a subconscious urge and desire that man will never be able to control. Especially in the power nothing can be achieved. Religiosity may also turn out hypocrisy, although faith is what saves man only, nothing else. End of the world will not look much different than the beginning, and then they will be criminals, at least in the human subconscious.

Ethics require true religiosity, faith and love which alters the man, not the subconscious, changing it into a different form, spiritual. Spirit is above all. Spirit can do what anyone would call a big miracle. We often talk about the wonders of nature, but it’s a sign from God to man and for man. The human spirit is the one who makes miracles, faith and religion, and for him it’s all quite normal. For the Spirit’s supernatural love that pervades and turns man. The only thing it can be ethics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t know that I am not normal.

I wasn’t conscious what could be wrong with me. But I knew that something’s bother me very much, but it passed after a year.

But I have the wrong way of thinking and concluding in a society and humans hurt me. Than the things that bothered me showed, the snake went out in the most terrible way.

I was afraid that I will hurt somebody at first. Than I was start to be afraid for myself, but didn’t know how to explain, I was afraid of something that I did not know. It could be the death, it could be my self-destruction, that could be the outsider, an enemy whom I could feel. But was not conscious who or what is it.

 

You can say that it was all in my mind. But it was all around me. The world can’t always change in every bit of it, some things you imagine, but some are really there and you see them, strange things. I went to the doctor and said him that I have the hallucinations.  

 

My friend told me that he is disappointed because I didn’t say to him that I am sick. Wasn’t that sick thought from him? How could I say?

 

 It last from the childhood, I know that now when I have a real childhood; but it is because of environment and society and that is not from me, it didn’t start with my mistakes.

Today I am the same. Medicine didn’t convert me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m wakening with the lyrics of my very dear song from the past, it goes: “everything’s change and I know that; everything’s change and you know that, you may ask me anything on the world, but do not ask me, oh, don’t, don’t ask me if I love you still…”. I was listen that song when the snake was under the rock for a while, but I was asking myself what I have to do in my life now, when I have to die. I was only thirty seven and I was pretty well after the first episode and the first bigger sign of illness. Isn’t it strange, I thought that my life was over. That was the beginning of the slight paranoia, it appeared from time to time. In the very rough moment the Lord spoke to me that everything will become easier and easier in the short time. That was the only moment when I ever have heard Him till now. I went in the church to be baptized and met nice priest. In that times that song was actual and I was working like receptionist who doesn’t has much to do and I was listening often that song, slowly realizing that I love that priest more than I love myself, he was very clairvoyant, but modest and he often was telling me the right words. I started to attention him and paranoia was on the air, I looked sometimes like a scarecrow with tears and desperate eyes. He was calm and spoke very carefully to me. He never said a word to much, he had very little words, but I had to think about them, often when I was listened to the radio and that song and some others. That love kept me for along bad and good times. He was gone, but I remember him and I feel his presents and prayers. He loved me and respected me very much, more than he would love his own daughter. Three or four years after he had gone, I was working and studding, I went to the hospital, my problems were diagnosed like psychosis.

 

 

I am awakening and remembering him, it must be that he is praying for me now and want to tell me how to proceed this writing.

It is the time for coffee now, when I told you about my faith and my converting.

 

In a month it will be exactly eighteen years from the day I was born in Christ, the Lord.

 

There is one more beautiful thing in my way in the hospital: anointing of the Sick. I had one because I went in the chapel near my department.

I believe that it is still working, while I pray for healing, but not the healing of psychosis, but spiritual healing.

 

Now, you tell me what you thinking. Isn’t it all the same, soul, mental or spirit health? That was my occupation and it is still.

 

At first, I was telling to the other patient that I have a soulache because of that people done to me. That is not that pain in stomach. That is not a fear which comes like mental disorder. But mental disorder has the source in spirit which is above mind, like anything that is mental.

 

The explanation of this is only one: the soul, a human, is ill because of his sins. And the spirit starts to sin. And the body reacts, it is the sam: the body, the soul and the mind – that is all a human.

 

Humans have bad or good spirit, developed or not, faithful or not, and so on.

 

And the medications have to heal the body which is mind which is soul.

 

But in spirit you have to grow easily. I didn’t have such faith. The spirit is in sin, but it doesn’t hurt, it causes the pain in the body. When you are growing in faith , you become healthier. You become very rich in spirit gifts and it has to be seen in your works and doings and on your body, your mind, and your emotions.

 

Maybe it is clear to somebody and maybe many will tell that I do not know what I’m speaking about. One thing I know also for sure: the pain in my body started very, very lightly and early in the childhood because I didn’t have emotions so nice like they are. And that is not without God’s help. And I know that some are praying for me.

 

 

 

 

I developed a theory that pain in the childhood and early years you feel more or less like you feel that something bothers you or disturbs you. If you see the child which has no concentration, it is urgent to help him with love. I would rather see what does his family do. Because they have to be the first who know.

 

I never had a social concentration. But in spirit I was pretty good because it took me thirty years to come to the doctor, although I was “disturbed” a little since I remember. Kids told me that I am strange. I asked: how I am strange and they answered that they does not know.

 

Well, the strange girl was thinking a lot about herself and her surroundings, and about people. She somehow succeeded to know herself in a way. When you know yourself, you know the humans.

You could know only one human who loves you in God and than you know yourself.

 

I know I was loved. But it doesn’t change my theory.

 

 

 

 

Thank You, Christ, the Man, for the word.

I am looking at my drawing of You, it looks like You are very busy with the people whom do You helping and with my writings which is also the introspection of mine. Thank You, who lives and reigns in ages.

 

 

 

Here is how I started this essay:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TODAY, while I was trying to swallow the little piece of stone which is my memory, a little part of the tile of mosaic on the holy floor of the Temple, because I wasn’t there to check the floor for  more then a month, I get the picture of symbolic stone that I have in mind and cannot understand. What is that small stone which reminds me on stone columns, it is inevitable that the columns are in that broken piece of tile, and what are these columns in my mind? Something to obvious, something really big what I do not see.  There are such an obvious things which I do not notice in my shelter with the bed of palm leaves. I had to be in the Temple, but I wasn’t.

 So, in our temple of communication we really walked to the shores of a lake and I was very glad to see you on your foot because I was afraid for you, I have found something that maybe hurt you, I was arrogant, and apology to you. It is very possible that you couldn’t stand up and take a walk for some time, but I didn’t notice, you were as kind as usual, but I was making a lady whom do you have to ask before tell her something. That was really my mistake, but I am afraid that there is another one, big, which I do see not.

Please, Lord, our prayers and doings with you mercy you follow and pull them in the right direction, in the name of Jesus.

I’ve heard the sound which is pronouncing the bird, like squeezing, when some playing child try to catch it and clench in his small hands. I have kill a crow, and do not know where I put it and what do I’ll do now. I know that I have to, it was normal flew of my whole life of consciousness, in whole my earth life when I was trying not to kill anybody. But I did.

 

But it is the stone column which is not a bad news, which I have in front of me and it is from the earth but in my spirit, also and in our temple of communication. Please, help me see it. I know I will see, it will happen spontanious in one time and a half time, but, you know, I’m in such hurry to get closer to you, I don’t want to have any other bussiness which could disturb me to see you better, to hear your whisper and words which are so rare. And you are doing nothing, you’re just watching and , by the way,  giving me some signs.

Thank you to wash my tears, my Angel,  thank you very much, you took the water from the chest of the Christ and washed me, so gentle and with patience and without a rough touch. It’s never disturbing you, my tears, everything is natural and comfortable. 903 1905

 

 

 

 

 

I was crazy and faithful.

It’s snowing, that is a wet early spring snow and I feel very good today.

That text is why I have the title like I have. The real title has to be something about the snake, but I see now that I have to show you how I started this. 

 

Here is what’s next:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m telling you about the crows which were on the oaks of my valley; it looks scary , but you’re used to everything.

Whatever, they are not here any more, but I see no birds and I think something’s wrong. The birds are singing in the late mornings, but when it is about eating and drinking, they are going to town.

 

In my new after-wedding dress, I look as ordinary as every widow, even in the valey the cloth of a scarecrow is more practickal.

 

There is a white one, I saw it in the middle of sunset once, long ago, because I do not go on the lake lately. So, I am not sure what that white crow is doing around my rocks of the valey. And it is not spring yet, maybe it has lost her way in the search for food.

      (It was the same date and time.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The big stone which is not a bed news is that essay.

The white crow is that snow today, it is 7:11 am. It is March, the fourteenth, 2013.

 

 

 

And the day after:

 

 

 

( wtch this, an inset:

I have no imagination, only can write when there is something on. And now, nothing interesting is happening.

I long for you like a mortal soul. I saw many things about you, have the idea that you live in desire for us. I really speak like a woman from the earth. But I am happy because I will go to sleep and I will pray. Theese last four nights I was celebrating today’s day, it past a year since I have written that poem which was my wish which came true.

Do not want to speak about abusing. After I was mentally confused in childhood, about what I didn’t told enough, it could be seen that I went in situations which was known uncounsciouslly to me, abusing again.

Men abused me, I had no selfconfidence and I admitt that I was alone searching for situations like that, for opportunities to be abused, only I didn’t know that that’s it. I tought that I am looking for answers about me and men was interesting theme. I must ask myself why, but I already know and tried to described in my very first essay.

Now I know how to manage the past, it doesn’t disturb me really. It had to be. It is well seen in my today’s behavior. Because of abusing in my whole life ,  which stopped  after the hospitalizations, I am now so happy and have no troubles, problems are to be solved.

And I pray, and I speak to the Lord.

And I got you.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*( and the other one:

 

 

 

 

Now, I am preparing for the holy mass. I have no such a cloth you have, I can’t be modest like you , you know that people listen to your words because you have the proper suit on, and the proper circumstances and, finally, people come to you to listen. On the contrary, I have to be loud, I have to provoke, I have to speak to the hypothetical deafs or all of those who do not see me, do not hear me and who think I have no authority.

I know, every minute I can change and be nice and polite. But I have my moments when I make my authority thanks to my illness: I laugh like a crow, like a monkey, when I have to say that I am so mad that I am able to turn the world upside down or kill if somebody suspect in my belief and what I’ve just said. People ask me in a wonder: „So, you really are sick?“ , and I answer like „Oh, yeah, I’m telling you, I am.“

I know also that the loudest are not often the biggest believers, but I do not mind. I would probably betray the Lord if I would be in front of some danger. Because of that, I repent again and again. But I talk philosophy with people mostly in a calm mood and there is always Him who matters and I serve Him any time.

I have the moments also when I have a nice inspiration, I long for it very much, I feel holy when I am writing something good, in my opinion, I have such a delight and quiet, truly joy in such moments; it’s pitty they are so rare. They are, because I write sixteen ours a day and I get a few lines only which I can call worth mentioning.

 

When I put my theeth down

And when I’m dressed like a clown,

And than I laugh madly;

That is like I ware a crown

Of the rooster in the dawn

And some watch me sadly.

 

You, sad things,

You, hypocritic creatures,

When will you admitt:

You are the kings

Of the arrogance , mures.

You better quit

 

Search for the compensation,

Satisfaction and rhe rights,

You will get all that never.

Scandals and frustration

Choke you like the tight tights

And they will forever.

 

I am the kind of forrest ghost,

I am the the forrest spirit

Which lays the freedom,

And the eternal happiness the most;

Mighty Lord, let me bear it,

That crown of thy kingdom. )*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now what I wrote the day after, really:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

from the “Spring crows”, about faith learning

 

 

When I tried to say something about the preaching and me in the Temple,   said in that way that my words were lightly taken. But nobody has the right answer, even a question which could let go on with talk about religion. I felt strangely, the conversation wasn’t holy a bit, so I’ve sinned.

 

 

You really have to wear a proper suit or speak with help of philosophy which is crossing the distance between the nature and holiness. Philosophy is only answering to the questions and the eternal question of philosophy is “Why?” which is always placed in conversation.

 

 

It is not quite right to say that nature is not holy. There is He who is above the nature or we can say that He has a holy nature, two natures, one will if we speak about Christ. He is God and Man, and I am trying to talk about Him like about Man, perfect, ideal Man, but wouldn’t say Human, although He is everything what we are, He just do not have sin. To be human, somehow like means that in that there is already a sin. I like to say humans instead people or men, to be precise that the human been is not Man and could became a man in the most heightened sense: these are artist or very, very honest or gentle people. There is a joke which says that everybody have to have a mistake, big or a few small ones because nobody is perfect and when you see somebody perfect , it is dangerous because he must hiding some huge mistake.

 

 

There is no perfect human, the One which is perfect Man is God. He is perfect Man because He is God and, by the way, has no sin.

 

 

Human need somebody who is not human. God doesn’t need human, but He created a human and love him.

 

 

Human needs Jesus to compare with and to see what is , al least, an idea of perfect human and even to learn from His example and listen to His word. Human would never get an idea if there is no Jesus who walked on the earth; maybe He could save the world in and from Heavens…but Jesus walked on the earth and He has stood with us. 

 

 

We have reports, very generous and quality reports about the years when that Man was between people, between humans. Humans didn’t change in the past, even the ethics somehow didn’t make a progress and it would be the same with humans if Jesus would come right now. So, that Man is eternal, He is for ever, He is here and alive, humans are still dieing. Humans need God who is Man right here and right now.

 

 

I am talking about proclaiming Gospel from the under view, from the earth, from the ordinary human and not from the above, I am not in the place of God.

 

 

But I could try to compare me to Man. So, the first thought is that there is no significant difference between male and female in the connection with Man; still the difference is important. Every tiny difference between male and female is important and sexuality is not a small difference. Why am I the opposite of Man? Everything in that comparison is opposite. Man is opposite from the human by all means. No god is like that, every other deity is made from humans. Man is God who created something that is not God. Man is opposite of human, of men, of women, of people, of world.

Educators are smiling when children succseed to speak about Man like about „The Other One“. Now, I am going further, even for the children that is right: how is Man the other one? Why? What does it relly mean for the kid? A kid listen to the educators and they are not priests all the time. Many educators do not know simple answers, but the priest would know, that who is not here, with a kid. Kid learns to behave like educator , I know one teacher who is very naive, overbearing and superstitious, and doesn’t know to celebrate the glory of Man which is very important for faith. That is a danger. Kids have faith, but educators are wrong. Little kid can understand more than adult about faith because the kids beklieve always and love educators.

 

 

After faith, glorification and prayer, human has to talk to Man. Man spoke to the human. That changes a lot. Human repents and converts. Become alike with Man and learn the answers directly, he only has to learn some facts from the reports which are speaking Man’s word.  

 

In the contrary, human is worst than animal because animal doesn’t have a free will. And human is not conscious of his very big difference from Man. Human is comparising with Man in his own way, wrong way.

There is a danger that human from God could make his own view on Man. Human creates deity of his idea of Man. It can be prevent with reading the reports and explaining in the light of faith and that has to be before the kid is twelwe years old. Learning about faith is very important, the most important in the early life. We do not care about wars, about computers, we care about the words and maybe little about medicine and more about philosophy , ethics and counting. That is enough for kid. When a young man has twelwe years, he becomes wise, he has common sense, he is healthy and complete person.

 

objavio introspekcija 10. ožujak 2013 21:00:34

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ned – 10.03.2013

Bible is alive

From the above I cannot speak. I can only pray, thanking and repenting are my pray.

Jesus’ High Priesty Prayer is the most important for me because He says to the Father : „ …I get the knowledge about you…“

I pull it out of the context and I know there is a normal and official explanation about that pray. But  this is the only way I can read: I see everything in one word and I see one, only one word which  confuses me and pushes me down in an inspirational way. These words are important for me because I have to think how Jesus knew, and when,that He is the Son of God. It was happening step by step, it is very logical to me. The believer do that almost in the same way on his journey to kingdom of heaven.

Jesus , I believe, didn’t know anything about His life for sure, He could only presume. And than He was more and more secure.

He wanted to say that He get the knowledge about humans and because of humans and their nature, which He felt and lived, had expereienced; He was contemplating about their Father and Fathers love. And He was speaking to the Father.

That word doesn’t mean that Jesus did not know His Father, He know Father well and there is a love of God.

Yes, Jesus knew everything, but He had to experience all what He have lived. He had to get the answer, the confirmation in practise of His knowledge.

 

Who knows where the believer would come if he would think carefully about every word in Scriptures, there is an interesting sentence which describes God’s doings and it finished with this words: „…And He was doing that all till now.“ That for me do not mean „till the moment when the writer speak“ only, but also til very this moment, till now,now, while you are reading the words.

 

 

It is one way to get closer in faith, closer to God.

Scriptures are alive, they are living God.

2013.03.10. 10:55 pm

 

 

Now, I am repeating my blog, but it is not that scary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

faith community

 

Why is Man on the earth exactly that God which is the Father on heavens?

Human see somebody normal and alike all humans when he look at the Man. Human can’t imagine that Man is in the same time ttally outside of world, above world and creates and maintains the world,  the humans and maybe even Man.

But they are one nature, supernature, in three persons with Holy Spirit.  They can be all in one and every of that three persons knew and does the same thing, you cannot say that one is creating, the other is saving nd the third makes the human holy, that  three persons are doing all that each.

But it is important for human to get the idea about what is he, what does it like to be a person, the person can obvious do more important things all in the same time; the person have a view on itself like from the outside and from inside and in the same time the person can communicate with other persons who could be a human or God or all the persons together. Only, a human cannot be completely alone. The Lord is not alone either, but he is One.

It means that human can do much more than he thinks today. Like the Father is in his Son, He is in human whom He has created.

Erom the light of faith human can, there is a possibility, look at himself almost in the way the Father is looking on human, human can see himself like a person who is communicatin in love with  God, the human can be completelly transcendent and in the same time completelly inside himself and can stay and work other things and can communicate with other persons – humans, wheter they are trancendent or not; a human can even do all theese things in the same time and place.  For egzample, you do go alone in your room and talk to God and pray, but you do also that autside of your room, or you need not some special concentration and meditation to be transcendent, or you are very movable and dynamic like the God is creating and talking with his creature and the whole world, animals, plants, wheather circumstances, space;  and God is deeply inside human and speak to him in the same time from the inside, from human’s counsciousness.

It grows, that communications, so much that it have to became a sort of community, it must be and nothing else.

And that is what God ask from the human, God has a task for human: be together, help each other, be community like I am community in Myself. And you can join Me any time.

 

objavio introspekcija 11. ožujak 2013 6:19:19 |

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was out of Himself

 

 

 

There is a status of human when he is in himself; and a status when he is out of himself; and a status when he is with himself. Human can’t be with himself and not to be with God, whether conscious or not. But human can be with God and out of himself or in himself, all with God. Some humans are not with themselves and that happens sometimes when they are not conscious of God’s presents, they are not evil, evil know that it is far away from God.

 

Jesus, the God and Man, was out of Himself, people were talking, when He wanted to show humans one other side of His personality. It was when He pushed and destroyed tables of trades who stood in front of the Temple. Trading was not so good thing to do, but watching the Almighty Lord and watching the family and animals and plants and so on. But trading in front of the Temple was very bad thing, Man Jesus wanted to tell and to show and to literally draw to the human what it means to be holy. Worshiping and kneeling in the Temple means adoration the God and that make the human holy and better. Jesus has done in a human’s way that what humans could understand a bit, there is no way to do counting and earning the money or worshiping the things which are made of humans that were on the sale and all that in front of real and alive God who lived in a special way in that same Temple. Jesus was acting like humans to show what is wrong for humans. But His words were the words of God, do not make the trade with Him.

 

Jesus probably saw that He has to act like sinful human to be understood better. But there is something else, it was the anger of God, it means that Man and the Father,and  the Holy Spirit is passionate and very interested in human and when He talk, a human can’t listen and the Lord has to whisper like  breeze, and when the Lord is passionate, it really looks terrible for human, that is  the greatness of God.

Man Jesus was not really angry in a bad way.

That is not the only situation when Jesus was rough, at least He said that He came to bring a sword, but not piece on earth, and the other things.

 

Well, human must not worship the things that  reminds him on God, the Only One. Human also make ideas, ideas are also the thing made of human. That is a bigger danger: to worship idea of God which human made for himself. It could be prevent in various ways: you need to confess sins, you can read the word of God with all respect you can and you can try to understand the word literally and directly.

 

 

 

There is a status of human when he is in himself; and a status when he is out of himself; and a status when he is with himself. Human can’t be with himself and not to be with God, whether conscious or not. But human can be with God and out of himself or in himself, all with God. Some humans are not with themselves and that happens sometimes when they are not conscious of God’s presents, they are not evil, evil know that it is far away from God.

 

Jesus, the God and Man, was out of Himself, people were talking, when He wanted to show humans one other side of His personality. It was when He pushed and destroyed tables of trades who stood in front of the Temple. Trading was not so good thing to do, but watching the Almighty Lord and watching the family and animals and plants and so on. But trading in front of the Temple was very bad thing, Man Jesus wanted to tell and to show and to literally draw to the human what it means to be holy. Worshiping and kneeling in the Temple means adoration the God and that make the human holy and better. Jesus has done in a human’s way that what humans could understand a bit, there is no way to do counting and earning the money or worshiping the things which are made of humans that were on the sale and all that in front of real and alive God who lived in a special way in that same Temple. Jesus was acting like humans to show what is wrong for humans. But His words were the words of God, do not make the trade with Him.

 

Jesus probably saw that He has to act like sinful human to be understood better. But there is something else, it was the anger of God, it means that Man and the Father,and  the Holy Spirit is passionate and very interested in human and when He talk, a human can’t listen and the Lord has to whisper like  breeze, and when the Lord is passionate, it really looks terrible for human, that is  the greatness of God.

Man Jesus was not really angry in a bad way.

That is not the only situation when Jesus was rough, at least He said that He came to bring a sword, but not piece on earth, and the other things.

 

Well, human must not worship the things that  reminds him on God, the Only One. Human also make ideas, ideas are also the thing made of human. That is a bigger danger: to worship idea of God which human made for himself. It could be prevent in various ways: you need to confess sins, you can read the word of God with all respect you can and you can try to understand the word literally and directly.

 

objavio introspekcija 11. ožujak 2013 8:09:41

 

 

 

 

do not imitate

 

“Spring crows”, pg 16

 

You can’t only imitate and repeat over and over the Word.

You have to think what Man thinks.

You have to know Him.

 

You can give Him your spirit often. Before sleep you can tell Him that you are giving your spirit into His hands.

 

You will see that He gave you your personality, you are unic. You have your characteristic, feature. You have so many gifts that can’t choose which to take first.

And than you will see that your nature in faith is not anything alike you thought that Man is. You will stop act like Jesus, Jesus is the Only One. You will start to listen and understand the way He thinks, but when you start to think what Man think, you will see that you are different from the image of classical believer. There is no classical believer, sorry. There is something called humanity and human’s love and charity, and spirit works and doings, but it doesn’t look the same with various believers.

You can , like Marta, choose to take the most precious gift: to take the word of God into yourself rather than serve Him like you have to and do not want to serve Him, you really want to listen to Him and drink His water of life.

You can do both, listen and serve. When you do these two works in the same time, it is like your serving comes from His mouth, almost like that, because you do not have time to think or to be very sinful when you do that. In the same time when you are drinking living water, you act like listener and your spirit is full of greatness of the Word and your  behavior becomes touched with living water and it is very logical and spontaneous that your works becomes a good serving to the word of God.

 

You can be surprised. You can only love God and listen to Him and you do what you want. Worship only Jesus and do not have the others.

 

objavio introspekcija 11. ožujak 2013 8:47:43

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here we have not the sanatoriums. There are some , which are supported from the state. They look like the renewed realistic Big Brother’s prisons, or like you arranged the Alcatraz in white and yellow stripes on the walls of facades. And there is a business for the unable and old people ,which is nice and you can’t afford it.

 

I have nothing against the Alcatraz, as long as they let me to have the computer and let me in the walk.

It is serious thinking about the future in case you do not have anybody or if you do not want to tie on kids.

 

But now, it isn’t really the priority occupation. I know I could get the help from my hospital if I really need such. 

 

The thing is that I could still work, at least, some thing! It must be.

But society is not ready for me and alike. I could be a volunteer, that’s for sure.

 

 

Society didn’t made anything to convert me to God or to tell me how I am strange. Society catch me like a criminal when I was very bad and vulnerable. Society doesn’t understand any of our real needs. Society

doesn’t believe my experience. Society is scary and ashamed of my phenomena. Society thinks that it is better then me.

 

I do not want to get social.

I do want to take my role of a scarecrow.

I do want to be a barometer for people’s ethics.

 

I do believe in God. And the science, medical or social, are the tools of God. They can put me back in my bad times and just because of that  they are thinking about like “ if there is no us, you will never get better”- style, I am more in loved in God’s love. Because the Lord led me all the time and He will never ever stop.

 

The March, the fourteenth of 2013., 12:24 pm

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