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The Summer Night Soul

July 18, 2013

This will be the headline maybe 2013-07-18
Wednesday 01:34

Completely new story can starts when the writer completely throw out
the old and first story, that is when he said everything he had to say. He thinks it never write anything again. Then the story started happening.
In two and a half year I have written a thousand pages about my first story.
South African music is bringing me nice and very good feeling of my body like it is with this hot summer night wind. It is so dark that I hardly can see the letters. Mosquitoes and flies are flying around me.
It is peaceful night all around, people are not in the town they went on vacation.
Near me, a young man is sleeping or trying to sleep, exhausted of a hard day of searching food and making love. He is the man with the strong eyes and very insecure style of talking with a thin nervous voice. Therefore, you forget to look at his eyes. It is amazing how people do not know how to look at the eyes to know the man with whom they are speaking.
He knows how to let the lie go.
He is very honest with his feelings towards me, but he does not stop lying.
His lies are a part of his memories that he can forget and he forgets sometimes to lie to me. Than I know he loves for the first time, not exactly, he does not love. He is just surviving. We know each other a year and a half. Two days ago he had the inspiration and started to ask from me some man’s stuff. I was occupied in a second and led with him with great pleasure and something you can call a beautiful love or friendship. Nobody would call it a love or beautiful.
He is on the edge of anything. Therefore, his life is so full filed and complete, especially now when he had me two nights long.
People like to say that God protects children and drunks. He does not drink. He does not make love as a child. He sometimes is a real gentle man and sometimes he knows everything what he had learned from the criminals, those who use sexuality-that is a part of his memories like the lie is. He never became a criminal, but you never know. If he would be silent, his energy would blow up. On the contrary, he talks very much in society. He is letting his memories out. 2:34
It is Thursday 7:32 2013-07-18
It is a nice morning, but my thoughts are not as nice. I remember what I have done in my hope that I will marry in the Church and will live with my man. It seems that is not my call to be married because I can not have the kids any more and it is obvious that Christ wants me only for Himself.
Why I needed to spent two nights with my friend and forgot this simple fact? Did I want to explore such a man and help him with my presence? Why I surrendered like a faithful wife and changed my views on life? Today, I still do think about marriage, but I know that my friend can not live in purity as I would want to. He is too young for me and such faith. He has very hard times all his life and I know that he wants me so much that I would surrender again if he would ask. I do not have sorry for him but appreciate his mind and braveness. We are so different and have very different style and I simply love Jesus more than anybody although I love some people very much in Christ.
I have to forget about marriage and I have to watch man’s desire when I am passing by without any thought of making love. That was like this before in my life I had to suffer many attacks on me because of man’s desire.
Well, at least I can say that I had an amazing party that is over now. 8:04


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