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The Summer Night Soul

This will be the headline maybe 2013-07-18
Wednesday 01:34

Completely new story can starts when the writer completely throw out
the old and first story, that is when he said everything he had to say. He thinks it never write anything again. Then the story started happening.
In two and a half year I have written a thousand pages about my first story.
South African music is bringing me nice and very good feeling of my body like it is with this hot summer night wind. It is so dark that I hardly can see the letters. Mosquitoes and flies are flying around me.
It is peaceful night all around, people are not in the town they went on vacation.
Near me, a young man is sleeping or trying to sleep, exhausted of a hard day of searching food and making love. He is the man with the strong eyes and very insecure style of talking with a thin nervous voice. Therefore, you forget to look at his eyes. It is amazing how people do not know how to look at the eyes to know the man with whom they are speaking.
He knows how to let the lie go.
He is very honest with his feelings towards me, but he does not stop lying.
His lies are a part of his memories that he can forget and he forgets sometimes to lie to me. Than I know he loves for the first time, not exactly, he does not love. He is just surviving. We know each other a year and a half. Two days ago he had the inspiration and started to ask from me some man’s stuff. I was occupied in a second and led with him with great pleasure and something you can call a beautiful love or friendship. Nobody would call it a love or beautiful.
He is on the edge of anything. Therefore, his life is so full filed and complete, especially now when he had me two nights long.
People like to say that God protects children and drunks. He does not drink. He does not make love as a child. He sometimes is a real gentle man and sometimes he knows everything what he had learned from the criminals, those who use sexuality-that is a part of his memories like the lie is. He never became a criminal, but you never know. If he would be silent, his energy would blow up. On the contrary, he talks very much in society. He is letting his memories out. 2:34
It is Thursday 7:32 2013-07-18
It is a nice morning, but my thoughts are not as nice. I remember what I have done in my hope that I will marry in the Church and will live with my man. It seems that is not my call to be married because I can not have the kids any more and it is obvious that Christ wants me only for Himself.
Why I needed to spent two nights with my friend and forgot this simple fact? Did I want to explore such a man and help him with my presence? Why I surrendered like a faithful wife and changed my views on life? Today, I still do think about marriage, but I know that my friend can not live in purity as I would want to. He is too young for me and such faith. He has very hard times all his life and I know that he wants me so much that I would surrender again if he would ask. I do not have sorry for him but appreciate his mind and braveness. We are so different and have very different style and I simply love Jesus more than anybody although I love some people very much in Christ.
I have to forget about marriage and I have to watch man’s desire when I am passing by without any thought of making love. That was like this before in my life I had to suffer many attacks on me because of man’s desire.
Well, at least I can say that I had an amazing party that is over now. 8:04


Giving Thanks and Celebrating

Giving Thanks and Celebrating

Quick Review

It is a little too late to try to do the thinking about this mental disorder.
The patient can only try to learn to think critically and with a good sense for balance. When I read about that matter, it is so far from my real feeling and conclusions about me, the world people and especially about the Lord. The most interesting is how the medicine works. It depends of me, sometimes my concentration is very good and sometimes I feel the pain. Surroundings depend on me also, except the weather. I decide mostly if I will be alone or will I sleep, but the weather is very important. That means I am very sensitive, people laugh when I speak how the weather is not or is good. One thing is very clear and was clear before I get the diagnose I have to pray Jesus and than I feel very well.
July 15, 2013 Monday 0:15

Arts and Marriage

“Why the spiritual forbid people to watch the paintings of naked acts in a museum when we know that Adam and Eve were naked in paradise?”
That is the Satan’s question. We can say that art is beautiful, but it is not above God. Those who ask such question do not want to discuss art or do not respect the others it is only an attack and anger.
Is not that a big matter of sin?
If Adam and Eve would not look at their bodies in sin (and that was after they eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad), they would not know that it can be something wrong in their bodies. We would still be in paradise.
It is just about how you look on the naked body. The naked body is not good or bad. I would ask those people why do not they walk naked all the time, may be somebody would hurt them in lust.
The next question I heard was about marriage of priests.
“How can a Catholic priest know how it is when you are married and how can he give you advise what to do with your partner?”
That is only the question of love. If you do not love your partner, you failed in marriage and the best partner who loves you the most is of course the Lord. The Catholic priest knows much about the marriage.
The third question is mine.
How could somebody, who dedicated his life to Jesus, betray the Lord and get marry?


Queen of Croatia

Blessed Virgin Mary – Marija Bistrica (Wikipedia)
In 1545 a local priest hid the wonder working statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary with the Infant Jesus, which previously stood in a wooden chapel on the Vinski Vrh (Hill) nearby, within the church to save it from the Turks and took the secret of its hiding place to his grave. The statue was discovered in 1588, when according to the records bright light shone from the place where it was buried. In 1650 the statue had to be once again hidden to be rediscovered in 1684.
In 1710 the Croatian parliament vowed to fund a new altar in the church, which was done in 1715. In 1731 the church was expanded and reconsecrated to Our Lady of the Snows. In 1750 Pope Benedict XIV granted plenary indulgence to pilgrims who confess and accept the Eucharist in Bistrica.
In 1879 to 1882 a new church was built in its place, designed in the style of Neo-Renaissance by Hermann Bollé. Arcades were constructed around the church decorated with 22 paintings of the miracles granted by the Blessed Virgin. During the construction a fire destroyed all of the church except the statue and the main altar.
In 1923 Pope Pius XI granted the church the status of a minor basilica and in 1935 the archbishop of Zagreb Ante Bauer crowned the statue as Our Lady Queen of Croatia. As archbishop, Aloysius Stepinac paid special attention to the site and made annual pilgrimages. On July 8, 1945 he led his last pilgrimage to Marija Bistrica which drew 40,000-50,000 people.[3]

Are You Boring?

Matthew, 4:4
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ [B]”

When I have no bread, I am not satisfied because I am hungry.
When I have a lot of bread and food, I am not satisfied again because I am hungry again, I am thirsty of something more, something else.
Never is the heart of human satisfied. Rare are those who can say that after some time they are not bored. People often search more of everything they have.
That is the difference between the pleasure of a human and the eternal life of Jesus’ word. In eternal life of every word that comes from the mouth of God, you never can take as much as you get. Christ is giving in. Such plenty of blessedness that is very hard to understand if some is not living in faith. Many ask how in the eternal life is not boring? That is the Satan’s question.
It is not boring in the eternal life of God’s word.

The Problem of Evil

Suffer make the human more aware, expands our awareness.

matt fradd


The problem of evil is the greatest emotional obstacle to belief in God. It just doesn’t feel like God should let people suffer. If we were God, we think, we wouldn’t allow it.

The atheist philosopher J. L. Mackie maintained that belief in God was irrational, for if God were all-knowing (omniscient) he would know that there was evil in the world, if he were all-powerful (omnipotent) he could prevent it, and if he were all-good (omnibenevolent) then he would wish to prevent it. The fact that there is still evil in the world proves that God doesn’t exist, or if he did, that he must be “impotent, ignorant, or wicked.”

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Jesus’ Spirit and Human’s Feelings

Jesus’ Spirit and Human’s Feelings
I remember one of my soul-experience, it was deep.
I was scare in my soul of something very bad is happening and said to my family it will be the earthquake. I said it very calm, but my soul-life was in such excitement and deep painful feeling that everybody believed what I had said. They believed to my feelings and they started to feel the same. Our minds did not really believe that it will be the earthquake. We went out for a moment and than started to think, everybody came back and calm down.
It was about eight years ago.
Today I watched a television when I saw how the person in the show has very strong feelings, she was describing how she was hurt. In my mind I somehow thought that must be a reason why I feel hurt also while watching and after. I create even a thought that our feelings must be in some relation like we know each other and like the same person hurt us.
Than I asked Jesus to forgive me, and that person I ask the same, in my spirit. The bad feeling stopped.
The conclusion is that feelings are very strong and powerful, but I know that mind is more powerful and that the spirit that is in Holly Spirit is the most powerful.
Imagine and remember when there are many people together in one place and they had such feeling connection without a clever thought or without the involving of spirit. What you get than? I suppose you have a mass hysteria here. I do not believe in mass opinion and mass hysteria.
Even when people are gathering in the name of the Lord I became suspicious because I sometimes see that people are not present with spirit and the meeting with Jesus is in His Spirit that may be accompanied by feelings, but it does not need to be so at all. If you meet Jesus, you can forget about strong feelings or you may control the feelings to be present with mind and in spirit the most. That is how you learn to get closer to God. That I believe because many people tell that they love Jesus, but how come the same people do not love more than one or two people in the earth? When you love Jesus, you love all people, it cannot be anything else. Therefore, you control the feelings that are less important and you know better how to be merciful because that is the matter of spirit and of God.
The conclusion is when you see too much feelings before Christ, you must ask yourself do people know the difference between Holy Spirit and their emotions. When you have only some feelings and emotions, that is not love in spiritual sense, that is only human on the earth that is not in the kingdom of heaven. That does not mean that such person do not believe in God, but I think we are of little faith.
There is an error to say that we love Jesus only because we have great feeling about Him. Jesus is God and God is Love and Love is Spirit, Holly Spirit of Father and Son.
The prove for these thoughts I find in the fact that people who say that they love Jesus, for real in life have enemies, they even learn how to hate some other people and there are many of us who never can forgive something. That all is not love. It is easier to say that you have a hope and faith and that you know your faith is weak. When I say to Jesus that I am weak and need help, He gives me the power and peace.
Therefore, it is not enough to feel. You have to learn about Jesus and read His words. You have to contemplate. You have to practice your mercy towards everybody and you have to watch not to be a hypocritical.
I mean, you are not only merciful when you give the money to the pore, but when you know how to talk to some particular person about Christ. 2013-07-07 Sunday 22:56

Christ and Delusions

Christ and Delusions
What I really want to say now is too simple.
I believe everything what I have read about psychosis. I believe in science, in medicine, but they do not believe in me, psycho who does not want to hurt, but help the others, medicals and patients.
I am a typical psycho who is passive and do not want to hurt environment on purpose, but suffer for himself.
I have found in theology many logical explanations and I tested many of them in my experience that is not small. I believe there are many of us in the world and that world does not want to understand us, I do not know the reason.
The science says that is not explored, but experience exist. I cannot wait the science, I am in the old age and I want to meet Christ as clear as possible. Therefore, I do not want to wait two hundred years for science to explore what is obvious.
What is happening to the passive psycho?
He meets the Lord. It is in the age when he does not need to be responsible for acts of his fathers, but is emotional adult and independent. If the Lord, Christ has chosen him, he will start the repent. It is heavy and it hurts.
Here is the word for science: not every mother loves her child, neither the father. That is the truth and it is opposite of our opinion. There are kids that feel and know that parents love them. There are kids whom want only God and nobody else. Those kids have Christ in themselves.
They are not in sin. If the kids and people are in sin, they are not from God. I mean a big sin.
The other thing is repenting. That repenting experiences only the kid of God.
That is a passive psycho and that means is a psycho who is not a maniac and who very rarely kill or hurt himself or others.
The problem is that patient is in such environmental and surroundings (very urban) that he does not believe himself as the normal people do because he suffers a lot of pain and who knows what else. He need to adjust the majority so much that he does not even think how his experience everybody have, but do not speak about it because science has no other word and calls it a “delusion”.
It is unbelievable that two or three hundreds years science did not discovered what is happening to the psycho. The patient is so passive that he cannot believe that he is right and doctors do not know exactly what is happening. That is because the medicine and social sciences do not work together, not to mention the humanistic science.
What is wrong with the world?
Scientific and in the faith, it is so real that you have no concentration if you are in pain. Therefore, you cannot think, but your brain is so occupied with so much information that are the gifts of Holly Spirit that you want to save these information and you write notes, but the pain is so strong that you have no time for taking notes. Well, doctors give you the medicine, but every patient remembers what was happening. Nobody can forget that, but often the patients are afraid or too lazy to discover what was that. How the medicine can know that if it does not respect the patient?

Welcome Europe

Welcome Europe
I would like to say something, but got nothing to tell.
What are you, people, know about me, even after all.
Tell you how I feel, at last that thing is done the thinking about politics is over for now. I do not feel responsibility because I only must listen and follow the rules. It is simple. Of course, something is missing like when you have to sacrifice some things because you have priorities. I am not sure what exactly is that I miss. On the other side there are things completely new, this is the first time I am European citizen. I can say that and people know where am I in the world.
The history of my life is telling me always was like that with me. I think that is not because this is one small country but because it is in such position.
I am not interested in News too much because I often think that they are not real, rather feel in myself and believe in me. What my heart is telling me now is the fact that Europe get something very nice but she did not open the whole package yet.
They told us welcome. Therefore, welcome to you too, Europe.
2013-07-02 Tuesday 22:07