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A Sinner and a Child

A Sinner and a Child
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14 NIV
Do not hide children behind you when you are meeting Jesus, the Lord.
Do not teach children what you think they have to do in front of Jesus, they know better than you. May be there are some children grown. Be careful not to put your opinion to anybody because may be you are not clever as you think, may be you do not see that they are children who have to be in front of you before Christ. May be you have to listen, not to preach. May be you have to answer in the light of faith when children ask you something. If nobody asks you the question how to approach to Jesus do not talk and do not stay on the position of a teacher. The teacher is only one and that is Jesus.
I only know what is that I believe and that I can say to the children of Israel. I cannot claim that is true or that is not true, can say I believe that is true. There are prostitutes, criminals, politicians who are children of God. Do not hinder them, let them to God.
I am a sinner, but often feel more like a child, like I never felt in my childhood. Dear Jesus, you really make me feel like a child.

Luke 18:17
New International Version (NIV)
17 Truly, I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”



I do not believe beggars any more, I ever must not politely ask anything. That is the language of money. That is a completely new world I discover. Nobody can believe me that, even I do not believe because that needed not happened in my age. Anyhow, it happened, I have failed to poverty, I lost everything I had, the money, the food, the house, clothes, documents, even do not have tobacco or glass of water; I lost my rights, I lost my part time job, I failed like the criminal who played against every law.
It is hard to me now to look and manage that money-world.
If I get up, I will have to ask the money for everything I give.
If I get up, I will have to ask equality from my partners.
If I get up, I will have to worship money.
That all I do not want and do not know to do. It is easier to starve or say that I do not have anything to give because I need all I have to stay alive and normal. May be I will do that. May be I will get up. May be I will become normal. 2013-07-21 Sunday 13:15

The Sorrow is Good

Isaiah 41:11
“All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.

What I found is only silence,
after these words I have nothing to add.
I have to say something though. I had a thought about the sorrow.
Sorrow is good, you know, because it means that I am well now while I feel like Israel and Israel brings me sorrow. The sorrow comes when I meet Jesus in somebody and than I feel lonesome because I meet Jesus in people very rare. The more I meet lust. This is the verse of the day

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The Summer Night Soul

This will be the headline maybe 2013-07-18
Wednesday 01:34

Completely new story can starts when the writer completely throw out
the old and first story, that is when he said everything he had to say. He thinks it never write anything again. Then the story started happening.
In two and a half year I have written a thousand pages about my first story.
South African music is bringing me nice and very good feeling of my body like it is with this hot summer night wind. It is so dark that I hardly can see the letters. Mosquitoes and flies are flying around me.
It is peaceful night all around, people are not in the town they went on vacation.
Near me, a young man is sleeping or trying to sleep, exhausted of a hard day of searching food and making love. He is the man with the strong eyes and very insecure style of talking with a thin nervous voice. Therefore, you forget to look at his eyes. It is amazing how people do not know how to look at the eyes to know the man with whom they are speaking.
He knows how to let the lie go.
He is very honest with his feelings towards me, but he does not stop lying.
His lies are a part of his memories that he can forget and he forgets sometimes to lie to me. Than I know he loves for the first time, not exactly, he does not love. He is just surviving. We know each other a year and a half. Two days ago he had the inspiration and started to ask from me some man’s stuff. I was occupied in a second and led with him with great pleasure and something you can call a beautiful love or friendship. Nobody would call it a love or beautiful.
He is on the edge of anything. Therefore, his life is so full filed and complete, especially now when he had me two nights long.
People like to say that God protects children and drunks. He does not drink. He does not make love as a child. He sometimes is a real gentle man and sometimes he knows everything what he had learned from the criminals, those who use sexuality-that is a part of his memories like the lie is. He never became a criminal, but you never know. If he would be silent, his energy would blow up. On the contrary, he talks very much in society. He is letting his memories out. 2:34
It is Thursday 7:32 2013-07-18
It is a nice morning, but my thoughts are not as nice. I remember what I have done in my hope that I will marry in the Church and will live with my man. It seems that is not my call to be married because I can not have the kids any more and it is obvious that Christ wants me only for Himself.
Why I needed to spent two nights with my friend and forgot this simple fact? Did I want to explore such a man and help him with my presence? Why I surrendered like a faithful wife and changed my views on life? Today, I still do think about marriage, but I know that my friend can not live in purity as I would want to. He is too young for me and such faith. He has very hard times all his life and I know that he wants me so much that I would surrender again if he would ask. I do not have sorry for him but appreciate his mind and braveness. We are so different and have very different style and I simply love Jesus more than anybody although I love some people very much in Christ.
I have to forget about marriage and I have to watch man’s desire when I am passing by without any thought of making love. That was like this before in my life I had to suffer many attacks on me because of man’s desire.
Well, at least I can say that I had an amazing party that is over now. 8:04


Giving Thanks and Celebrating

Giving Thanks and Celebrating

Quick Review

It is a little too late to try to do the thinking about this mental disorder.
The patient can only try to learn to think critically and with a good sense for balance. When I read about that matter, it is so far from my real feeling and conclusions about me, the world people and especially about the Lord. The most interesting is how the medicine works. It depends of me, sometimes my concentration is very good and sometimes I feel the pain. Surroundings depend on me also, except the weather. I decide mostly if I will be alone or will I sleep, but the weather is very important. That means I am very sensitive, people laugh when I speak how the weather is not or is good. One thing is very clear and was clear before I get the diagnose I have to pray Jesus and than I feel very well.
July 15, 2013 Monday 0:15

Arts and Marriage

“Why the spiritual forbid people to watch the paintings of naked acts in a museum when we know that Adam and Eve were naked in paradise?”
That is the Satan’s question. We can say that art is beautiful, but it is not above God. Those who ask such question do not want to discuss art or do not respect the others it is only an attack and anger.
Is not that a big matter of sin?
If Adam and Eve would not look at their bodies in sin (and that was after they eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad), they would not know that it can be something wrong in their bodies. We would still be in paradise.
It is just about how you look on the naked body. The naked body is not good or bad. I would ask those people why do not they walk naked all the time, may be somebody would hurt them in lust.
The next question I heard was about marriage of priests.
“How can a Catholic priest know how it is when you are married and how can he give you advise what to do with your partner?”
That is only the question of love. If you do not love your partner, you failed in marriage and the best partner who loves you the most is of course the Lord. The Catholic priest knows much about the marriage.
The third question is mine.
How could somebody, who dedicated his life to Jesus, betray the Lord and get marry?